2000 review from Marina Vitromanovic (Croatia, living in UK) [Catherine] [Frank] [Ed]
The Eurovision 2000 shall always stay in my memory as the contest that produced the most shocking voting results ever. After the disappointment of last years voting when the blondies from up north won, I was quite preparing myself for the worst this year (in the form of an Irish or Latvian victory), but instead of the worst, I got a shock; a very big shock, although not necessarily a particularly nasty one.
I thought that after all these years of watching the contest I knew what
to expect in the voting. This year however proved me wrong, and we've obviously gone
back to the days of 1989 and 1990 when the winner was clearly chosen by sticking a pin
randomly in the map of Europe to choose a country that hasn't won for a long time....
So, what did the blondies from up north give us? First of all we got La-La and Dipsy
as hosts (Tinky-Winky and Po already being occupied as backing singers for Macedonia), who
can easily compete in my eyes to be the worst hosts ever. She of course had bleached
blonde hair which explains rather a lot, but what was his excuse? That nonsense they
gave us at the beginning of the contest was the worst introduction I've ever seen, with
him pretending to be the stupid one (which clearly should have been her task). They
got a little better as the contest went on, and it wasn't really their fault, as they
could have been so much better if only their scriptwriter didn't attend the same
hairdresser as Charlotte Nilsson. He was even quite good looking..
At least we had a decent audience this year, shame we can't say the same about the stage.
Admittedly, it was very good for some songs, but equally awful for others where it
made the singers look like they were squashed in some tiny studio at Albanian TV.
Still, at least we didn't have to put up with an orchestra ruining some of the songs...so
let the festivities begin..
Israel - One of my favourites right from the
start, and I got quite worried when I heard they might pull out. Nevertheless,
singing flat in the Eurovision never does you any favours in the voting, especially when
you sing first, and the whole flag waving thing was rather unnecessary. Even so, I
still really like the song, the performance was fun and entertaining if somewhat mad and
'we don't care about the Eurovision' - maybe a few cucumbers strategically placed on stage
might have helped...oh I forgot, they were already singing for Latvia.
Netherlands - Well, none of us were right
about this one. We were either predicting an easy victory or that Linda
would be the Marlain of 2000 - and neither happened. This was one song that the
small stage did not suit, and the dress heaped in a pile at the back of the stage just
made it look messy. A great deal more could have been made of ripping off the backing
singers' shirts too. At least the mystery of whether she can sing or not is solved -
she can, and she gave an excellent performance. I even tried (but failed) to vote
for this one - the curse of No.2 strikes again. One of many nasty surprises in the
voting.
UK - As for one night only I was quite
ashamed to be Croatian, I was reasonably happy to put my alliances with my new homeland
the UK (especially as I voted for Nicki in the UK Final). Confident of a placing in
the top 5, I sat down to see Nicki French give an excellent performance
of a thoroughly tacky but oh-so-perfect-for-Eurovision song, and what happens - she comes
16th and the 3rd lowest of all the English language songs (only above the no-hopers
Finland and Romania). If I was Nicki French I would be extremely annoyed at being
beaten by some of the songs that were higher than her. The fact that she now has the
dubious honour of having gotten the lowest ever UK placing will probably not do her any
favours, and I doubt she'll have much success in the charts.
Nicki's only real failing is that she clearly cannot count - in my local
newspaper she claimed to be 34...you didn't get A-Level Maths then? After the Danish
victory this was the biggest shock in the voting for me, and one of the greatest
injustices. Oh well, hopefully the BBC will come back next year to try and fight
another day...they'd better, as if they don't I won't be able to see the contest and heads
will roll!!!
Estonia - This got my televote (eventually,
after about 10 attempts!). Ines was clearly nervous, but still gave
an excellent performance, as did her very good backing singers. I was even impressed
by their choreography, so nothing to criticise here, although a little smile here and
there could have seduced a few more people into voting for her. 4th place is very
good (and their highest ever), but I still think she deserved more high votes than she got
and to be in the top 3.
France - So, for those of you thinking
"She's not being too bitchy this year" (if you read last year's review) I should
explain that the first 4 songs were 4 of my favourites (and all in my top 10). What
happens next - a fat tomato comes on stage (check out the moustache and facial hair),
sweating like a pig (at least Marlain's sweat last year was the result of some rather
unfortunate make-up), proving that the French entries are just as mediocre as ever.
Interesting that the bottom 2 songs this year were both in French - this one certainly
deserved to be there. After the excitement of the first 4 songs, this one was
definitely the chance you had been waiting for to put the cat out, make a cup of tea or
(in my case) get a chocolate biscuit. Relegate them - they deserve it! If I
was a Cypriot or Austrian, I would be most annoyed that my country was going to be
relegated while the French with a lower average score got to stay in...because they're
rich! Pity their musical culture isn't..
Romania - Now this was the worst of the
worst. This song was bad enough in Romanian, but in English the words didn't even
fit the tune. Gone are the days when adding a young girl dressed in her
grandmother's favourite outfit playing an Irish panpipe are going to get you more votes.
But then Romania have always been rather behind the times, and the fact that
they've never got to participate 2 years in a row obviously means they are missing these
trends. Some very suspicious voting too - how my beloved homeland could vote for
this is beyond me - and the 12 from Macedonia is particularly suspect - I bet Romanian TV
phoned Macedonian TV on Saturday afternoon and said - you give us high points and we'll
give them back to you....it's a fix! Never has a relegation been more deserved.
Malta - I'm finding it quite hard to come to
terms with the fact that one of my least favourite ESC countries is starting to produce
some fantastic entries - I shall have to start saying nice things about Malta! Claudette
Pace gave one of the best performances of the contest, and those 5 backing
singers weren't at all bad, even if they did help that blonde fool to her victory last
year. Malta certainly breathed some freshness into the contest this year, and
deserved a lot more than their 8th placing - I would even have been pleased with a Maltese
victory, something which a few years ago would have been equal to blasphemy to me. I
have to say something nasty though (it is Malta!) - her hair and dress were awful!
The song was fab though - well done Malta!
Norway - This also got my televote, and what
a horrible shock in the voting, and certainly the biggest disappointment for me. I
thought this was a sure winner - good singers, excellent, energetic performance, wonderful
catchy song - nothing to criticise at all (although I wouldn't be seen dead in those
outfits), so can someone please explain why the sure winner only came 11th? What an
injustice!! If only people had got Norway and Denmark mixed up in the voting I would
have been extremely happy indeed (but that would never do....).
Russia - Another surprise, although for once
a nice surprise! Alsou sang far better than I thought she would,
and considering her youth she was extremely impressive (especially considering she's the
same age as the girls from XXL). The song is a nice catchy pop song for me, not one
of my favourites, but still a good song, and it would have been far better if she had won
the contest rather than Denmark, as this could have been a European chart hit. Somehow I
doubt the Olsen Brothers will climb the charts outside Scandinavia. I wonder what
kind of job Russian TV would have done of hosting the contest though? We may find
out in the future as Alsou has secured their participation for the next few years.
Belgium - She was never going to score
high, was she? Nathalie Sorce at least proved that she can sing,
but unfortunately the song she was singing wasn't that great in the first place, and faded
into insignificance in comparison with the others. She could certainly have improved
her appearance (she gets the vote for worst hairstyle of 2000), and those wretched backing
singers still looked like a cross between boring bank clerks and Jehovah's Witnesses.
Still, I quite like the song, and she's far better than the talentless Vanessa Chinitor
who "sang" for Belgium last year.
Cyprus - They go to all the effort of
improving the song greatly from the previews, and then spoil it all by singing half of the
song in Italian which in my opinion did not suit it at all. It would have sounded
far better in Greek, and at least the 2 of them can give a good performance. I liked
this a lot more than I did before but it seemed to be doomed from the start. All
that messing around in the background by the backing singers didn't really help either -
apart from when they started banging on those drum things - I liked that bit. Oh well, bye
bye Cyprus, I'll miss you until 2002...
Iceland - The second man in a row to wear a
skirt, and I have to confess I was quite wrong about this one. I was sure it was a
potential winner, but in the end it would have done very badly indeed if it wasn't for its
Scandinavian neighbours. A catchy, pop song from the 60's obviously didn't appeal
(although two men who looked like they were in their 60's did..) And check out the
male backing singer on the left - what a scruffy tramp!
Spain - What can I say? A boring
male ballad, which is exactly the kind of song that I dislike. The Cypriots were
obviously impressed, but I wasn't. Again, like France they deserve to be relegated,
especially when they should have sent Alazán.
Denmark - Denmark are a country that I
generally dismiss in the Eurovision - one of the countries that turn up every couple of
years when they aren't relegated and don't really contribute anything worthwhile (although
in the 1980's during the Kirsten/Soren era they were certainly amongst my favourites).
So was I expecting Denmark to win - NO! I'd heard the reports from Stockholm
that Denmark were a 'dark horse', but it was only when Señor Wogan said he had a
'sneaking regard' for this that I thought 'Oh my God - it's going to win' - and it did!
Still, it's greatly preferable to what worried me most (an Irish victory).
It's a song that's very difficult to dislike - it's catchy, very well performed, and not a
ballad (always a good sign for me..) A surprising victory, although in retrospect,
not necessarily an undeserved one, although a more modern winner would have been better
for the contest.
Germany - Wunderschon!! You either
love this or hate it, and I love it. The rest of Europe are very good at making fun of the
Germans, so it's nice when they join in and make fun of themselves. They gave an
excellent performance, although I still can't understand what that man is shouting at the
beginning. Next year I want a Guildo/Stefan duet, and then Germany can get their
deserved victory!!
Switzerland - So, what do we have here?
A common tart who used to make a living by flashing her bits in dirty magazines.
Obviously nobody told her that you have to keep your clothes on in the Eurovision
(unless you're Croatian of course and can turn stripping into a tasteful art form).
All the ballad lovers adored this, and people like me hated it for its mediocrity, the
fact that she can't sing, and the fact that she's a common
bimbo. Another deserved relegation! Even the old git on backing vocals
couldn't save her.
Croatia - Well, well, well! This
is just the kind of song that I hate (slow male ballad) and this song brings out no
patriotism in me at all, especially as I have always disliked Goran Karan's
music, but I can only assume that our shockingly high 9th placing (!!!!) is in large due
to the fact that he does have an excellent voice (as opposed to an excellent song). I was
expecting a very low placing indeed (as were most of my Croatian friends), but it seems
that we can do nothing wrong in the ESC, and have quite a few Eurovision friends in other
countries, although I doubt most of the votes were because people wanted to guarantee
there was a Dora next year (which is the only reason I'm pleased about the score).
If this song had been from any other country I would have been spitting
fire at it coming 9th, yet the fact that it's from my beloved Croatia means I have to be a
little pleased as it keeps our average score up and keeps the threat of relegation away.
What about that dancer though? If I'd been aged under 10 I'd have been
terrified and hidden behind a cushion, but I suppose there had to be some way for Croatia
to strip, and they did manage it, even if it was extremely naff. Most worrying of
all is that next year's Dora could be full of similar songs...
Sweden - So the blondies from up north
weren't represented by a blondie, but a strange American-Indian reincarnation with the
good grace to cover up his pink spike of hair (silly boy - that would have been bound to
get the gay vote....) Excellent performance with an excellent backing track (who
needs an orchestra!), only spoilt by extremely suspect command of the English language.
I suppose when I've listened to the song 100 times I might just be able to
understand what he is saying. Still, it makes a nice difference to have a Swedish
song I want to listen to 100 times. You see what happens when you don't pick someone
with bleached blonde hair..
Macedonia - Up until the day before the
contest I was quite supporting this song. Then I got a video of the Macedonian Final
and (very) quickly realised that XXL cannot sing, two of them in
particular. It's a nice pop song, that's very appealing to teenagers, but poor
'live' singing in the ESC is really the kiss of death (unless you're a transsexual and
have other things going for you). It seemed like they were even trying to copy ENI
with their silly costumes and daft dance routine, without realising that by copying ENI
they were going to end up like them in the voting. And you really shouldn't sing in
English when you can't pronounce it properly ("I love you one hundurd percent yes I
do"). Still, they're young and they weren't singing a ballad, so I won't give
them the Vanessa Chinitor treatment.
Finland - Now this one I really hate,
probably more than any other song in the contest, and I'm very glad that she did so badly.
A boring ballad of the worst type, with the cheap references to other countries to
try and get them to vote for it. Finland have always claimed to do badly in the ESC
because of their unusual language..so they sing in English and do even worse than the last
time they sang in Finnish..the explanation being that Finland does badly because it's
songs are mediocre, not because of the language. A very deserved relegation!
Latvia - Euch!!!! I've lived in
the UK long enough to realise that Brit-pop is nothing less than awful, and this song
being Brit-pop at its worst. I always feared this one in the voting, but thankfully
it didn't win. The group looked like a bunch of drug-crazed, unemployed hippies, who
couldn't be bothered to dress themselves or brush their hair properly, and the way he
smarmed around the stage pulling faces into the camera annoyed me no end, so much so that
I even forgot about his whining voice for a few seconds. They now have such a high
average that it'll be years before we can get rid of them...
Turkey - Just to prove that I don't only
like the dance songs, I declare myself to be quite a fan of this song, despite the fact
that I hated it when it won the Turkish Final. She gave an excellent performance,
and it really worked well singing in both Turkish and English, and thanks to the Dutch
using a jury she just managed to get a well deserved placing in the top 10 and hopefully
keep Turkey out of the relegation zone. Of all the performers in the contest, she
was quite the most sophisticated and charming of them all. Seems that for once the
old farts on the TRT final jury got it right.
Ireland - Now that Ireland didn't win, I
don't have to hate this song quite so much. It has dreadful lyrics, the likes of
which haven't been heard since 'Agadoo' by Black Lace, and it was a very cheap imitation
of 'Love shine a light' which was vastly superior. I have to confess that I used the
Irish entry as a chance to go and check the telephone was working so I didn't see it all,
but what I did see wasn't really worthwhile. Despite the fact that he's an ugly
bastard, he's not really the one to blame, as he didn't write the song, but he certainly
gets the award for the most ugly person in ESC 2000. Is there nothing we can do to
get rid of the Irish in the Eurovision....Wasn't there once a plague there?
Austria - And finally, we have Dawn French,
Ricki Lake and Roseanne Barr showing that you can still squeeze into a black dress when
you've had one (thousand) chocolate biscuits too many. I actually think this is one
of the worst songs in the contest, although I realise I'm quite alone in thinking so.
They can certainly sing, but are greatly lacking in stage presence, charisma and a
decent song. Their lack of votes has nothing to do with that Haider man - more to do
with the fact that the song is nothing special at all, and I know for a fact that this
song wasn't chosen amongst all the 100's of other songs entered to Austrian TV - the lazy
buggers at ORF just phoned last years composer and asked him if he had anything suitable
for this year - it's true!!! A possible relegation, and I won't miss them.
I can't comment on the interval act as..I didn't see it. I was too busy trying to
televote and actually managed to vote twice this year - Estonia and Norway - any free CD's
from those countries greatly appreciated as recompense...
So, overall it was quite a good contest, but hardly a classic, although my opinion of a
contest often rests on who the winner is (hence why 1997 and 1998 are two of my
favourites). Denmark are a country I know very little about, so I don't know what to
expect next year, but I'm sure it will be better than if Russia had won the contest (cue
thousands of complaining queens who wouldn't be able to get tickets or attend the press
conferences).
And finally, the votes of the (always correct) Vitromanovic jury are as follows:
12 - Estonia
10 - Norway
8 - Netherlands
7 - Germany
6 - Turkey
5 - UK
4 - Malta
3 - Israel
2 - Russia
1 - Sweden
(Quite possibly the first and last time that the blondies from up north are in my top
10!!!)