ALL FUNNY CHURCH STORIES.

ON TOUR

*** HERE IS THE FIRST HIGHLIGHT FROM THIS WEB SITE I WROTE.


..... This is probably the most important area. I have thoroughly spent thousands of hours of questioning and FIGURING OUT with scores of professional clergy THE DOCTRINE OF EACH CHURCH and their belief system and WHY they believe the way they do............

THE SECOND HIGHLIGHT.

SEVENTH-DAY.
At the Adventist church, the youth were asked by their elders what they would like to do as an outreach into the community. Being so very close to a public skate board park they asked if they could do a drug information series. The church hierarchy were very pleased to give emotional, spiritual and financial support. As part of a secular community day they devised a plan to put up a tent in the main park. The result was they were inundated with requests. The hospital were so pleased with the program they gave free rent space in their hospital offices. Interestingly, they have found if people pay a small amount of money for the course, they feel there is not something religious behind it.

THE THIRD HIGHLIGHT.

JESUS TENT OF MIRACLES.
One lady voluntarily gave $35,000. She received a healing which saved her life and much pain. Soon after, this church was on the TV Local News.
*25. EMPHASIS OF MINISTRY: To have an outrageous time in God while doing God's work! This sums up their ministry! Their church is in a huge night club!

THE FOURTH HIGHLIGHT

COONEYITES.
I came into the largest assembled church meeting on a Wednesday night, 121 people. Everybody was quiet. As I sat a small child began to cry. "Whack! Whack!" the mother sharply and decisively hitting the child on the bottom with her hand. The child cried softly, muffled into her mother's dress. I thought "This is unusual, all the children are deathly quiet in here." I was briefed by a leader that the church was at least 75 years old. There are about 250 people who meet on Sunday afternoon." At nearby area meetings 400 can meet.
Listen to this incredible story of how their ministry leaders work. I was invited for dinner after church in a leaders home on the luxurious Prince Henry Drive circuit
We believe it's unscriptural to get re-married (even after legitimate grounds of one partner being unfaithful.) (Note: These people pronounce "Jesus" this way- "JeeZUss" rather than normal way of "Jeesis".


THE FIFTH HIGHLIGHT.

Technically, other than one main Catholic church, this is the biggest Sunday night service in this sample of this city out of every church in it yet no one knows of them.


THE SIXTH HIGHLIGHT.

CLOSED BRETHEREN.
One of the most commonly asked questions I get from my friends is "What about the Bretheren?" I tell them "Well, the Bretheren church goers are fully committed, bible believing, born again, fully immersed water baptised Christians. But, one of the evangelists said "We don't believe in the pill, or any form of contraception as it's against scripture." The other evangelist said "As Bretheren, we do not take up arms in war either, we have a conscientious objection which is legal since World War 2. We do not serve as jurors in courts of law and we also never vote in elections. We've never had a school but as of January 2003 we do. We refuse to carry bar codes on our products at work as there are the equivalent anti- Christ's 666 numbers in the bar code."

THE SEVENTH HIGHLIGHT.

"I have been a professor at the university for 9 years. In our Engineering department there are 6 Indian staff. I found out that in the last 2 positions advertised for lecturers, only 30 people applied and not one Westerner had applied."

THE EIGHTH HIGHLIGHT.

This does make them the biggest church! As they have about 550 at 2 other morning services! Wow ! This makes a total of 800!!! I have yet to count the Saturday night crowd and Sunday night crowd and then I'll have an accurate figure. It is SUCH an incredible thing to do to go around to all these churches and see whole groups just worshipping God in their own way.)


THE NINTH HIGHLIGHT.

I couldn't believe it. Now I'm not only bringing wine to the priest in one Catholic church, not only having communion in a Latin Mass at Holy Name but I'm leading the congregation in formal responses to prayer at St Theresa's! Also, I collected the offering there too. (Too funny.)

THE TENTH HIGHLIGHT.

THE ONLY LATIN MASS LEFT IN THE CITY. AT HOLY NAME CATHOLIC.
This would have to be one of the top five most interesting and unusual services I have ever came across. It's hard to believe the Catholic church was like this all around the world until a few decades ago at Vatican 2. Allow me to describe the background. The Bishop does not want this service to exist....

THE ELEVENTH HIGHLIGHT.

THIS CHURCH IS AMAZING IN THAT THEY ARE THE SECOND DENOMINATION WHICH BELIEVES TONGUES IS NECESSARY TO SALVATION.
"BIBLE TRUTH FELLOWSHIP". (They say they are "just Christians" but their belief system is very unique to say the least.)
*1. NUMBER OF PEOPLE: 46.
***16. Estimate style of belief: MOST CHRISTIANS BELIEVE THERE IS ONE DENOMINATION WHICH BELIEVES YOU MUST SPEAK IN TONGUES IN ORDER TO BE SAVED. THIS IS NOT TRUE. THERE ARE TWO. THIS CHURCH AND "REVIVAL FELOWSHIP". THE TWO CHURCHES HAVE ZERO MUTUAL KNOWLEDGE OF EACH OTHER. Both churches have said they did not even know of the other's existence. I tried for many days to find out who this group "really" were. I do not know as of 4/2003. They were very tight lipped. They are NOT the "Cooneyites." Nor are they any church listed here. They are not known to almost all Christians. I spoke to scores of people within and outside of the organisation and I still do not know. It's unlike any church I have ever come across. Fully Charismatic, message in tongues/ interpretation, prophecy, healing, miracles. Note: People from other churches can get barred at the door! They resist all other churches and individuals. You can attend if you don't belong to another church. Are very good "looking" people.


THE TWELTH HIGHLIGHT.

**19. ACCEPTANCE IN CHURCH AS A VISITOR: WARNING! THEY WILL ASK YOU IF YOU BELONG TO ANOTHER CHURCH AND IF YOU SAY YES THEY WILL RECOMMEND YOU NOT ATTEND THE SERVICE!
***24. Unusual things about worship: They will ask you to face the back of your seat for 5 mins on your knees and as a church, all pray in tongues mid way in the service.


THE THIRTEENTH HIGHLIGHT.

APOSTOLIC Church.
***10. Interesting info: Listen to this remarkable story. As I approached the church I heard a loud small bell ring being pulled by a deacon. I came into the church and the Door Steward stood in front, blocking me from entering and gave me this introduction. He said "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!" I said ".....I want to go to.... church?" He slowly stood aside. He accompanied me, pointed to the male side of the church, and sat next to me with another deacon on the other side of me. The women on the left had all dresses and mostly hats. All the men were dressed in dark blue suits. I was wearing a casual jacket. The colour? Bright yellow. I planned to stay 5 minutes but I couldn't move. I remember thinking "Now I wonder if I should have communion." Suddenly all the children left. Fleetingly I thought "This is where they spare the children and the rest of us die." The children went to the foyer and waited for a long time and then followed the last adult, me, to receive the blood representing wine and the bread. I slowly approached the altar. The rest of the people had not seen me. The more I got to the front the more I could feel their eyes on me. I kneeled down and drank the alcholised wine. I turned around and half the people were looking at me. I walked down the aisle way of highly polished pine pews of this very clean and square brick church. I heard a sermon and the preacher publicly said "we absolutely must forgive those of the congregation who commit grave sins." It came to the end of the service where they all gathered in the hall and talked to each other. Except me. After quite some time a middle management leader approached me. I talked briefly and soon left having put a bewildering experience of church behind me.


THE FOURTEENTH HIGHLIGHT.

SAINT THOMAS MORE'S
There will be NO PRIEST at the end of 2001 as we have been in a Pilot Scheme to see if we can survive without a priest. We will only have one to do the mass. There will NO LONGER be Parish Priests ANYMORE (I.E. Boss / Senior Pastor / District Pastor) Instead there will be lay PARISH MANAGERS. Sister Patricia Grundy will soon be employed there. Except the title has not been chosen but she will be the spiritual head of the church.

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