Voters suddenly become aware of political party existing thanks to billboards, posters and signs.

Gee...I'd heard of the Conservatives....but who are these other guys...La...Labour, or something?

I never really though about politics or voting before, but when I went down to the centre of Clarkston I couldn't help but notice that every single lamppost was festooned with plastic signs. At first I thought...Is the circus in town or something?

Initially it was the labour sign which caught my eye...simple design...red and yellow. Next the SNP...yellow and black...like the warning colours of the bumble bee. SSP...with the yellow of the Scottish party, but also with the red of the "socialist" labour party...but with a big red Russian star to show that they mean business. Then the conservatives a different colour again- blue!! But now I notice the one for the Liberal democrats...very original...it's a diamond shape rather than the standard rectangle. It really makes it stand out from the crowd.

I know some people say that it's a ridiculous waste of money, they call it littering, and say that only an idiot would vote for a party because they saw it's name on a signpost...I mean who doesn't know who the main political players are in this country?

But now, thanks to those signs, I sure know who I'm voting for...err...who was that second one again?

Chav racer 4 for the PS2.

I exist outside of boy racer demographic, I'm not your man, boy or "dawg". I will not be "takin a ride in the wild side" nor will I "throw it around G-style".
I am, however, going to drive faster than you. My motor vehicle will look better than your tacky piece of junk. I'm not interested in your "style points", and won't be gluing pieces of plastic or painting "go faster" stripes on my automobile. Watch me laugh as I drive past you in your hairdresser car, wrapped around a tree. Notice you can't move your legs and your 14 yr old girlfriend is no longer yapping, or indeed moving. That's right: you are the crumple zone.

No thanks, I'll walk.

Mum’s  1.4i hatchback      -£4000

Spoiler, Body kit, 16 inch alloy wheels, stereo system, Xtra loud exhaust system                             -£2000

Look on his girlfriend’s face in intensive care                                 - Priceless

• The policemen read the device wrongly or lied.
• The speed gun recorded the device incorrectly.
• The speed restrictor didn’t function properly
• The speed restrictor wasn’t in place at the time of the incident.

Model 'law-abiding' citizens

How noble to suggest that we shouldn't waste our public money to enforce the law (which happens to be the one which you don't abide by). How socially responsible. How about you save us money by not breaking the law so that it won't require enforcing?

Being a responsible citizen doesn’t involve standing up and screaming… “I’m responsible enough to own a gun/ drive quickly. WHY should I be punished because other people can’t handle it?”

Sure you're responsible enough. SURE. How about this little puzzler...what kills more children... paedophiles or reckless drivers?

Voters confused between choice of Devil and Deep blue sea.

Do 'Tory election posters actually help their own party? How many voters who were going to abstain from Labour,  because of the war, are woken from their apathy after seeing the dirty word "Conservative" in clear blue and white writing. The shark infested waters or the grinning Beelzebub? "Are you thinking what we're thinking?" They ask, hinting that they hold some less savoury opinions that they're sure you agree with. No, actually I'm not a racist. I suppose every party is full of people who think they're the good guys, the solution who will reduce tax at the same time as increasing public services.

What a democracy we've got. Look at the population, percent of eligible voters, percent of them who are registered, the percentage of whom actually vote, and the percentage of them who are solely voting just to stop a party they don't like from getting the seat?

44 million registered voters, 60 % turn out, 50% of votes for the winning party... that's 13 million people out of population of 65. To say we've got a democracy; is like saying here's your choice: Hitler or Pol Pot; Kang or Kodos. Charge entrusted for four years. In Bruce's generation game you've been dealt a 7 of diamonds, what's the point in swapping when you know the blue card is an equally shit?

Fingers crossed for a hung parliament.

Are you thinking what we're thinking? I'm thinking that less tax AND more public services is unfeasible...30,000 immigrant per year entered the UK when he was home secretary...yet it's claimed to be out of control at the moment when the rate is 34,000.

Boxing judge declares election "no contest"

How can I let this contest go on? Nobody here is fit to defend themselves...both Labour and the Tories with their "Iraqi" glass jaw, and neo conservative thinking. The only other contender is a party "punch" drunk with a leader unable to take proper care of himself, and an unwritten rule of proposing one silly unpopular policy for every two really good ones.

Take 'heartfelt' gumption at the war, starving people and natural disasters, but equal gumption at paying more taxes, or the possibility of sharing any of your wealth with foreigners, so therefore don't change the system, liars in power.  "Carry on".

With only 2 main runners in my local seat, I was forced to be pragmatic, because it's not my choice. Sure...I could have been idealistic and wasted my vote...but it's not dependant on me being idealist and voting for the 3rd party- it's dependant on everyone. I had to vote for the devil...because there's still no proportional system; voting for the party I've hated for 4 years is marginally better than the one I've hated for 14.

Joe public doesn't know: What's your perception of violent crime, immigration, taxation...and why?

How does anyone on the street know what is an appropriate level of immigration? It depends on where you live how many foreigners you see. How many naturalised foreigners, how many second generation ‘foreigners’? Admit, you don’t know and have no way of judging. Not even touching the argument, of why should we have the right to discriminate between fellow humans in such a way.It's a natural instinct, of the tribal human to defend the interests of your state, your country. The unnatural balance of your privileged little bubble, the company you work for, government you elect to protect it.

What is the motivation between the papers you read? The facts behind the figures published by the parties. Trust your flavour of politics to be the right one. How do you know if violent crime has increased or not? Perception effected by the media, and your political persuasion. You’ll believe what your party say?

Immigration will ruin our culture. Our drunk violent, teenage pregnant, celebrity obsessed, capitalist culture. Somebody open the doors please.

One of the objectives of the Scottish nationalist party is to repatriate expat-Scots. Why would it be better to import the people who wanted to leave, rather than the non-Scots who actually want to live here? Why is this discrimination an objective of the party? It's so much nicer and more romentic to be the victim....to be able to say "oh no...we're being oppressed" then attempt compensation for past suppression. The political equivalent of angry feminists in a quasi-liberal society.

The Scottish socialists' denial of the acceptability of any kind of meritocracy; it's all to easy to encourage the working class to stop paying taxes, but we live in a society where it's everyone for themselves. How will their policy reduce teenage pregnancies, create jobs, change class attitudes, reduce state dependency and encourage wealth creation?

Controversial ban on air rifles; not actually controversial at all.

In light of a 2 year old being shot dead last Friday, both Jack McConnell and Tony Blair this week said there was no urgent need to ban air powered weapons.  Handguns are already banned in this country, so what's the difference? Why shouldn't this be the time to change the law?
In a week where there has been a rush to put through liberty destroying terrorism laws against a unquantifiable threat....for the public good. To lock up suspects based on "reasonable suspicion" or a " balance of probabilities".
It comes as no surprise that somebody buying an air weapon intends to shoot something. Removing that liberty from anyone could hardly be seen as detrimental to anybody's quality of life. A significant delay in putting through appropriate air weapon legislation could feasibly save the lives of a few kids; based on known occurrences and actual statistics. I would go further than this to say that a government wilfully taking this risk should take their share of the responsibility of deaths during the interim period. This is something a little more important than foxhunting.

Blair has epiphanal moment after seeing Star Wars 3.

"How can you not empathise with the fall of Vader....he wasn’t being all bad...he’s being sincere. Just remember what Anniken Skywalker's good intentions were when you’re voting for me in the next election."

Seduced by the dark side of the force; new Labour. He's now a dark knight, part of the new alliance. Once a noble Jedi, his bidding with "Private public partnerships" even pleases the evil emperor known as Thatcher. What a price on the soul, looking older, with a heart condition and strained smile.

Lucky he didn't watch Michael Corleone's fall from grace in the Godfather.

Strange how...

If the Sudanese government haven't got anything to do with the militia's ethnic killings....how exactly does the UN expect the government to tell them to stop doing it?

1 in fifth alduts have problems with reading, riting or numbers.

Tears and embarrassment all round as J-Lo once again gets mistaken for the help. (note to self; buy more bling)

I-pod - more convenient than carrying around a big rucksack full of stolen CDs.

Even Stephens.

Hawking as read by Fry and not vice versa.

Image publicist has poor self image.

Most people asked thought Cliff Maxford was a complete bastard. Although he helps celebrities retain their image in the most awkward of situations, it seems that his own personal is one more of infamy.

Aff shore.

200 call centre jobs move from Aberdeen to India. What about the language difficulties? Mother asked. Yeah...the Aberdonian accent is hellish to understand.

Evil robotic train from the future terminates at central station.

Scots legal advice- use this chib I goat affy' david.

Jungle Doctor gives bizarre excuse for  lack of medicinal supplies.

They're all eaten by parrots! lololololol.

Shallow Hal has important moral message: only go with a fatty if you've been hypnotised.

Charles gets married: who cares?

The news helpfully commented that Royal watchers everywhere would need time to adjust to the dramatic new situation. "I don't know how I'm going to cope with the new living arrangements (of two people I don't know and have nothing to do with)" exclaimed one Windsor fan "and I can only imagine what the boys <William and Harry> are going through". said the middle aged woman with a sad and pathetically empty life. "Thank goodness she's not called "princess"...that would just have been too much for me to take".

About. I'm currently apolitical and an equal opportunity taker of the piss.

My political compass: Economic Left/Right: -5.88 Social Libertarian/ Authoritarian: -3.90

F#ck neo conservative economic policy, but equally, scr#w the militant left while you're at it.