film reviews
1999
(front-loaded ranking, alphabetical after that)

DECADE DEFINERS
Films that need no explanation from me.
They're beyond words. Period.
Reserved for occasions as rare as a stroke of luck.


Eyes Wide Shut
Second Viewing Interpretative/Observational
Fourth Viewing Chronicle Entry
Star Wars Episode 1 : The Phantom Menace


EXCELLENCE
*  *  *  *
films that will undoubtably be remembered
when the end of the year rolls around

After Life
American Beauty
Being John Malkovich
The Blair Witch Project
Election
The End of the Affair
Felicia's Journey
The Insider
Limbo
Magnolia
The Minus Man
Run Lola Run
The Straight Story
Tarzan
Topsy-Turvy
Toy Story 2

ON THE BRINK
*  *  *  1/2
the "I-gave-it-three-and-a-half-stars-'cuz-
it-was-nearly-perfect-but-not-quite-mind-blowing" spot


Boys Don't Cry
Bringing Out the Dead
The Cider House Rules
Cradle Will Rock
The Dreamlife of Angels
eXistenZ
Fight Club
The Iron Giant
The Limey
Man on the Moon
Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter
Princess Mononoke
Ravenous
The Red Violin
Sweet and Lowdown
Three Kings
Titus
The War Zone
The Winslow Boy


IN LIMBO
*  *  *
I recognize your brilliance and your flaws
and judge them to be on a 3:1 sliding scale


All About My Mother
American Movie
Analyze This
Angela's Ashes
Anywhere But Here
Arlington Road
Cookie's Fortune
Go
The Green Mile
The Hurricane
An Ideal Husband
Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
Man of the Century
The Matrix
Mumford
Music of the Heart
Mystery Men
Office Space
Payback
The Sixth Sense
Sleepy Hollow
The Source
Stir of Echoes
The Thomas Crown Affair


PAR FOR THE COURSE
*  *  1/2
Breaking even is hard to do.


Another Day in Paradise
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
The Corruptor
Cruel Intentions
Detroit Rock City
Dick
8mm
Galaxy Quest
Holy Smoke!
Julien Donkey-Boy
Mansfield Park
A Midsummer Night's Dream
The Mummy
New Rose Hotel
Notting Hill
Pushing Tin
Snow Falling on Cedars
Summer of Sam
The Talented Mr. Ripley


LOW RENT DISTRICT
*  *
Clearly not something I'd see in a train
station bathroom - but close.


Bowfinger
Elmo in Grouchland
Girl, Interrupted
The Haunting
The House on Haunted Hill
Lake Placid
The Muse
Rosetta
South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut
Tumbleweeds


-$7.75 (-$5.00 if matinee)
1/2
I've warned everyone I know. Even some I don't know.


Any Given Sunday
The Astronaut's Wife
The General's Daughter
Brown's Requiem
Random Hearts
Superstar
The World is Not Enough

WILL REQUIRE MOUTHWASH
*
"You need a whole meal to get rid of that taste!" - Kids, 1995.


End of Days
For Love of the Game
Joe The King
Runaway Bride


THE CHEESE GRATER
1/2  *
It would be more pleasureable to masturbate
with a cheese grater than to watch these films


American Pie
The Bone Collector
Deep Blue Sea
Dogma
The Thirteenth Floor


SILTY DREGS
no stars
Not only does it give me chest pains for weeks,
it ruined a perfectly good set of eyes


Stigmata


RE-RELEASE BIN
If it got re-released, it's probably pretty damn good -
but I still have to ostracize it from the modern films,
for obvious reasons.


The Grand Illusion
The Third Man

(1999 films in alphabetical order)

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