Throughout my life I have had the privilege of having opportunities to experience doing several different types of drugs, so lets get started with something common like alcohol. My 1st experience with drinking alcohol happened when I was 5 years old. What happened was I had the honor of having the opportunity to meet Michael Jackson and he gave me this drink in which he referred to as "Jesus Juice." And it made me feel real good! Actually, I made that up! However, I did experience my 1st alcoholic beverage when I was 5 years. What really happened is when my father came home from work, he would drink a bottle of beer and I asked him to give me some and he did! I think the reason that he gave me beer is because I was a hyperactive rambunctious anti-Christ and giving me beer was very effective at calming me down. I was lucky enough to have grown up back in the days before people were giving children drugs that are very harmful to them, like Ritalin and all other kinds of evil bullshit that they are given by the government and pharmaceutical companies to rot out their brains and destroy their imagination. Anyway, I remember 1 time when my grandfather was over when my father was giving me beer and my grandfather said, "what the Hell are you giving him beer for?"

    As I got older, I can't remember what happened, but I just think for some reason, I lost interest in drinking beer. After I turned 18, I started drinking alcohol again, but only at social functions and I would only get drunk at events in which the drinks were cheap or free. I remember 1 time when I was living in Florida and I was at this club and they were serving free drinks, so I made sure that I took advantage of that opportunity. In a period of 2 hours I had 4 rum and cokes, 2 screwdrivers and 1 Sex on the Beach. After having those drinks, I was feeling good! At 2:00 in the morning, I was still feeling good from those drinks and I needed to get home and noticed that the drinks hadn't worn off. Usually when I had a drink, it would wear off within an hour. Well, I had to get home and I decided to drive home, even though I have reason to suspect that I had too much to drink. Thankfully, I made it home safe, but more importantly, I made it home without getting pulled over. See, in Florida, they have very strict drunk driving laws. Anyone who is convicted of their 1st drunk driving offense will lose their driver's license for a whole year. A person with a 2nd drunk driving conviction will lose their driver's license for 5 years and a person with a 3rd drunk driving conviction loses their driver's license for life. With that in mind, I am so glad that I didn't get caught!

     Anyway, in Florida, especially South Florida, there is no excuse for someone to drive home drunk. I don't know if any of you have ever had the wonderful opportunity to visit South Florida, but it is not only the most beautiful place in the world, but did you notice that in South Florida, they have an excellent mass transit system and it runs 24/7. So, if you have had too much to drink, you just leave your car and you hop on the train. For example, if you happen to be in Pompano Beach after drinking too much, you can just hop on the train, so you can get home safely and without getting arrested for DUI. They have several train lines in South Florida. You can take the train to West Palm Beach or Miami and even if you happen to live in Davie, you take the train to Ft. Lauderdale and transfer to another train line that runs out to Davie. Actually, I made that up. There is no mass transit system in Florida, because Florida is a cesspool of shit! Not only that, it fucking sucks! With that in mind and I know that Sam Kinison brought this up about drinking a driving, but how the fuck are you supposed to get the car home after you have been drinking? Well, people would say, you should take a cab home. Cabs suck! Cabs are a bunch of money-grubbing bullshit and they are a fucking rip off! It can easily cost $50 or more to take a cab home. Then someone would say, "well, it's better to spend $50 on a cab then having to pay $3000 in fines and legal fees and getting a drunk driving conviction." Throughout my life, I have met a lot of people who have said a lot of dumb ass bullshit things that solve nothing. Of course spending $50 is better than spending $3000 in fines and legal fees. Even a mental retard can figure that out! The problem is most people don't have the money to pay the rip off costs of riding a cab after spending a night drinking. In order to solve the drinking and driving problem, try building some fucking mass transit for Christ sake. That way, people can take the train home and pick their car up the next day when they are sober. That is 1 of the many visions I have that would make the world a better place. Will it ever be implemented? I doubt it!

      These laws against drunk driving don't seem very fair. I knew a guy when I was living in the Chicago area who was arrested for drunk driving. He was in Chicago drinking like crazy and drove all the way out to 1 of the oasis on the tollway. After he left the oases, he gets on the tollway, driving the wrong way. Well, he got pulled over! God, what a fucking asshole. Someone who does that deserves to get arrested. Doing shit like that is just plain stupid and it jeopardizes the safety of a lot of people. Now when I drove home that night, I made sure that I stopped at red lights, stop signs, but most importantly, I made sure that I drove on the right side of the street! These drunk driving laws are unfair to the responsible drunk driver! I am glad that I didn't have to work that morning after doing all that drinking that night because I didn't feel very good. After those drinks wore off, it felt like my head was spinning and I felt sick to my stomach. I did have to go into work at 1:00 that afternoon and I was feeling better, but I still felt icky! I can tell you about the worst thing that happened because I did too much drinking and went driving. It was on November 25, 1986 during my final hours of living in the Chicago area before I was about to move to Florida. I went to a club that had cheap drinks and I had a few of them before I decided to start heading south and as those drinks were kicking in, I felt optimistic that my life would get better once I started living in Florida. Well, my life turned to shit once I moved to Florida, which is why it's never a good idea to feel optimistic about anything.

     Another drug I experimented with was marijuana. I remember the 1st time that I smoked marijuana was when I was at a party when I was high school and people were passing a joint around, so I took a couple of hits off of it. Unlike what Bill Clinton said, I did inhale. The thing is I didn't really get high from it and it made me cough real bad. I would keep trying to smoke a joint, but I never really got high from it, so I never got to have the experience of getting stoned. Then 1 day I was at this party in which people were smoking joints and bongs. Not only that, they had brownies with hash in it. I was told not to eat more than 1 and wait at least an hour before having anymore. Well, 15 minutes had passed and I didn't feel a thing, so I decided to eat 5 more brownies. Well, that is an experience that I will never forget. With that in mind, I think I will stop and talk more about this next time. I will also talk about my favorite drug in the whole world. It's a drug that comes in a small bottle and you sniff it. So, what is that drug? You'll have to wait until next time!

You only have to wait until the amount of time it takes to click My Experiences with drugs part II to find out what that drug is, but it happens to be the sex drug that will make you feel real good.  The next best thing to the sex drug that will make you feel real good is reading Pat's 2005 Vision of the World Page, because knowing that someone is willing to tell it like it is the best way to get high on life!