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Dear friends,
Soberbonesxxx.com has been using this free webhosting site Yahoo geocities.com as a vehicle to learn and experiment with website building and its maintenance. This has been a wonderful way to start a recovery website and learn at a pace coherent to my schedule of late! Unfortunately, geocities.com will be closing their hosting services later this year and www.geocities.com/soberbonesxxx/ will be moving to another webhosting service.
This is a good thing in many ways: 1st, we will no longer have to contend with the advertisement frame on the right side of your screen. Many of you have found ways to avoid this annoyance through script blocking (a wonderful "add on" feature in FireFox browsers). IE-7 & IE-8 users among other browser programs may simply close this frame and continue to view this site with minimal distraction from the ad links remaining scroll bar. This changes the look and speed of our site, primarily in its width measured in pixels; also noting, the ad's are not of our choosing either; though they may be relevant, they are randomly selected through the use of search engine spiders, or crawlers and other technical means of advertising on the world wide web (WWW). Many of which are not North Carolina based and also may not be personally recommended either.
The next good thing in this change; (change is good), is that, with the use of a reliable, faster and more searchable hosting provider; we will be available to a much broader audience and this is expanding upon the principles of the very existence of this website. That principle being, "one alcoholic helping another alcoholic to stay sober one day at a time."
As the closing time for geocities nears (estimated to be at the end of summer 2009), we have been researching web host's to determine the best and most affordable means of bringing the most relevant and interesting news, advice and opinion on addiction recovery and it's varied relationship's to local North Carolina event's, as-well-as, sober motorcycle clubs and their respective news and events. Research has shown we most likely will be found when searched for as soberbonesxxx.com and this domain will continue as a regular website with minimal, if any, distraction from the focal point intended.
Whether you are new here, or a familiar visitor, we will be monitoring and listening to your advice and questions as you give them to us. Updates will be prominently posted for future plans and our new location. As always, you may contact us by clicking on our contact page and send us your relevant questions, concerns or advice. Your feedback is extremely important to us and greatly appreciated. When more substantial information is known, we will post it here immediately.
Thank you for your support and "keep coming back"...more will be revealed.
Sincerely,
BonesXXX
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Sarah Allen Benton, a licensed mental health counselor in Boston and the author of "Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights," recently joined the FOX25 Morning News today with more on warning signs.
Typical high-functioning alcoholics, or H.F.A.'s as Ms. Benton calls them, are in denial about their abuse of alcohol. Coworkers, relatives and friends often enable the abusive behavior to continue by refusing to acknowledge and confront it.
"The story of the H.F.A. is seldom told," Ms. Benton writes, "for it is not one of obvious tragedy, but that of silent suffering."
Based on surveys and professional experience, she estimates that as many as half of all alcoholics are high-functioning types.
The abuse can go on for decades until and unless some alcohol-related crisis occurs, like being arrested for drunken driving, exposed for having made unwanted sexual advances or being asked for a divorce when their spouses can no longer tolerate the abusive drinking.
Drinking alcohol is dangerous for kids and teens and sometimes for adults, too. Alcohol is a drug, and it is the drug most abused by teens. Many kids have their first drink at an early age, as young as 10 or 11 or even younger.
It's easy for kids to get the wrong message about alcohol. They might see their parents drink, or watch TV commercials that make drinking look like a lot of fun. You might see people drinking and watching sports together or having a big party.
But alcohol is actually a depressant. That means it's a drug that slows down or depresses the brain. Like many drugs, alcohol changes a person's ability to think, speak, and see things as they really are. A person might lose his or her balance and have trouble walking properly. The person might feel relaxed and happy and later start crying or get in an argument.
When people drink too much, they might do or say things they don't mean. They might hurt themselves or other people, especially if they drive a car. Someone who drinks too much also might throw up and could wake up the next day feeling awful...that's called a hangover. Drinking too much alcohol can lead to alcohol poisoning, which can kill a person. Over time, someone who abuses alcohol can do serious damage to his or her body. The liver, which removes poisons from the blood, is especially at risk.
Because alcohol can cause such problems, the citizens and government leaders in this country have decided that kids shouldn't be allowed to buy or use alcohol. By setting the drinking age at 21, they hope older people will be able to make good decisions about alcohol. For instance, they don't want people to drink alcohol and drive cars because that's how many accidents occur.
What can be confusing about alcohol is that some grown-ups seem to be able to enjoy it occasionally with no problems. Other people, though, can develop a problem with it. Sometimes, that's called alcoholism (say: al-kuh-hol-ism) or being an alcoholic (say: al-kuh-hol-ik). Someone who has alcoholism craves alcohol. The person has little control over his or her drinking and can't stop without help. A person who starts drinking alcohol at a young age is more likely to develop alcoholism.
Alcoholism is chronic, which means it continues over time. It often gets worse, too, because the person may start experiencing health problems related to drinking. In addition to causing liver problems, long-term drinking can damage the pancreas, heart, and brain.
It can be tempting to try alcohol. It's normal to be curious about new things, especially if it seems like everyone is doing it. But everyone is not drinking alcohol. Don't believe it if someone says you're immature for not drinking. You're actually more mature (which means grown up) because you're being strong and smart.
Still, it can be hard if you feel unpopular because of your decision. Good friends won't stop being your friend just because you don't want to drink alcohol. If you feel this kind of pressure, talk to someone you trust.
And if you're concerned about a friend who's drinking, you should tell one of your parents, a school counselor, or another trusted adult. That way, someone can talk with your friend before the alcohol causes a big problem. Unfortunately, some kids who drink may also drop out of school, get in car accidents, start fights, or join in crimes.
But with help, anyone who has a problem with alcohol can be successful at stopping. And if you're still a kid, help yourself by not starting in the first place!
Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of co-dependent adults, and also affected by the alcoholism, substance abuse, or other addictions of parents, parents' untreated mental illnesses/defects or personality disorders, or the parents emulating their own dysfunctional parents and dysfunctional family experiences.
Read more from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Let's say you're sick of being bullied by another kid in your school... and who wouldn't be? Or maybe the problem is that you're about to go to middle school and you're nervous about it because you're struggling in math. Perhaps you just found out that your parents are getting divorced, or your dog just died, and you're so upset that you can't concentrate on doing your homework. You feel like you need to talk to someone about everything that's going on. A great person to share your thoughts and feelings with is your school counselor.
Add school counselors to the list of people you can turn to when you need help. They know how to listen and can help kids with life's challenges. Counselors have special training in how to help kids solve problems, make decisions, and stand up for themselves. That doesn't mean your counselor will wave a magic wand and the problem will go away. But it does mean he or she will help you cope with it. Coping is an important word to know. Sometimes, kids and grown-ups have difficult problems. Coping means that someone is trying to handle these problems and make things better. Your school counselor is available for you and wants to make your school experience the best it can be. The counselor's job is to take your problem seriously and help you find a solution. The counselor also wants to help you learn as much as you can in class, be a contributing member of the school community, and be a positive influence on your environment. If someone was bullying you, for instance, the counselor would talk to you about it and could give you some ideas and strategies on how to deal with the bully. The counselor may also talk to the bully and maybe even to kids who saw what happened. The counselor might talk with your teacher and your parents about the problem as well. Though this may feel a little uncomfortable, facing the problem and trying to correct it is better than living with a bad situation. Having a counselor's help means you don't have to face difficult school problems alone.
Your school counselor might visit your class or talk at a school assembly to let you know that he or she is available. Some schools use their website to explain what the counselor does and how to get a counseling appointment. It's a good idea to know about the school counselor, even if you don't need any help right now. If you're unsure how to contact the counselor, ask your teacher, your parent, or one of the people who work in the school office. If your school has more than one counselor, you might be assigned to a counselor based on what grade you're in or the first letter of your last name.
Generally, counselors meet students in:
The most common setting to meet with a counselor is in a private meeting. The meeting could be just you alone, or other students, your teacher, or your parent could be there. Counselors typically have offices where you can sit down and talk.
Don't worry that you need to know exactly what's bothering you when you talk with the school counselor. You may just be feeling bad or not doing as well in school as you know you can... and that's OK. The counselor will try to help you figure out what's going on. When you do, he or she will have ideas for how to make things better. Sometimes that means finding other people (tutors, learning specialists, or therapists) who can provide the help you need.
It's important to know that if you meet with a guidance counselor, your conversation will be confidential. The counselor isn't going to go blabbing your personal business around the school. However, there are some cases when a counselor can't keep it confidential... if the counselor thinks that you or someone else is at risk of being harmed. But even then, the counselor would share that information only with people who need to know. Won't Kids Think I'm in Trouble?
Your appointment with the counselor could happen during the day when classmates might notice you're gone. What you choose to say about it is your decision. You can just say you had an appointment and leave it at that. You also can say that visiting the counselor doesn't mean you're in trouble.
If you're worried about what to say, tell your counselor. He or she can help you practice what you would say if someone asked about it. If you'd prefer not to miss class time, ask the counselor if you can talk before school, at recess, during lunch, study hall, or after school.
Sometimes a counselor might call someone in because they did something like calling a person a name or deliberating breaking something. But it's different when you ask to see the counselor because you want help with a problem. You're not in trouble just because you need some help. What Else Do Counselors Do?
In addition to helping kids with problems, guidance counselors help kids learn about:
Counselors at some schools also offer programs for parents and kids or just parents alone. The topic could be helping you graduate to middle school or helping you stay away from drugs and alcohol.
A school counselor's job is different from what it was 50 years ago, when a counselor was chiefly concerned with getting students the classes they needed. Today, counselors are called upon to help students in a broader way. They help students handle almost any problem that could get in the way of learning, guide them to productive futures, and try to create a positive environment for everyone at school. So if you need a counselor's advice, just ask!
Addiction recovery can be broken down into five major areas that need to be addressed, processed, and moved through for success. They are sequential and though the questions may sound simple, there are hidden land mines that can derail your recovery. Here are the questions that need 'yes' answers:
This question might at first glance seem obvious, but it really is the key. If a person does not believe that they have a problem, then certainly, there is no need for treatment and life will continue on as always. This attitude can involve that frequently over used word 'denial'. The problems are evident to everyone around the person, but it is not clear to them at all. The hidden landmine in answering yes to this question, is that while you may be aware of a problem, have you defined it correctly? Hint: it is not the substance or behavior, but your reaction to, and continuation of it. For example does your behavior trigger obsession and compulsion?
Again, this question is not as obvious as it may first seem. Lots of people are aware that they have problems with addiction yet continue to not do anything about them. A common attitude is that I can stop any time I want to, I'm just not ready to stop, maybe tomorrow, or next year, or after the holidays.
If you can answer yes to the questions; "do I have a problem", and "do I want to do something about it", the next question begging to be asked is... now? Is the time right? What is it that has now moved you to action? Most people are moved to action by a crisis that affects them personally and immediately. This crisis usually cuts through barriers of procrastination and denial. Examples may be divorce, jail time, or the imminent threat of losing a job. There are some people however, who simply get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If we have established that a problem exists, we want to do something about it and the time is right; doesn't it make sense to pursue the plan that will give us the best chance for success? Here is where many people go astray. It is essential to get qualified help and input in developing a personal plan that will give you the best chance for success. The plan I hear most often, that is almost a sure-fire method for failure is, "I know what to do let me go do it." Another plan that has a near zero success rate is "I have made up my mind to quit so that's a done deal," (using willpower alone). One tricky part about establishing a successful recovery plan is that there is no standardized plan that will work for everybody. Professional input will really help.
You can have the most wonderful recovery plan in the world, but it does you absolutely no good unless you implement it. This generally means moving forward and doing the next right thing. It is essential to build accountability into the execution of your program. A critical piece of information is that addiction recovery is a process not an event. If you have been in treatment, recovery is not complete with the end of formal treatment. The changes that are suggested, need to be implemented throughout your life on a continual basis.
Though these steps are a simplification of the addiction recovery process, answering yes to all five questions, and moving positively through them all, will ensure that you are on the right road for addiction recovery.
It can be particularly stressful if you are the sober one taking care of your drunk roommate, who is vomiting while you are trying to study for an exam. Some people laugh at the behavior of others who are drunk. Some think it's even funnier when they pass out. But there is nothing funny about the aspiration of vomit leading to asphyxiation or the poisoning of the respiratory center in the brain, both of which can result in death.
Sadly enough, too many college students say they wish they would have sought medical treatment for a friend. Many end up feeling responsible for alcohol-related tragedies that could have easily been prevented. Common myths about sobering up include drinking black coffee, taking a cold bath or shower, sleeping it off, or walking it off. But these are just myths, and they don't work. The only thing that reverses the effects of alcohol is time-something you may not have if you are suffering from alcohol poisoning. And many different factors affect the level of intoxication of an individual, so it's difficult to gauge exactly how much is too much
Alcohol depresses nerves that control involuntary actions such as breathing and the gag reflex (which prevents choking). A fatal dose of alcohol will eventually stop these functions.
It is common for someone who drank excessive alcohol to vomit since alcohol is an irritant to the stomach. There is then the danger of choking on vomit, which could cause death by asphyxiation in a person who is not conscious because of intoxication. You should also know that a person's blood alcohol concentration (BAC) can continue to rise even while he or she is passed out. Even after a person stops drinking, alcohol in the stomach and intestine continues to enter the bloodstream and circulate throughout the body. It is dangerous to assume the person will be fine by sleeping it off.
Even if the victim lives, an alcohol overdose can lead to irreversible brain damage. Rapid binge drinking (which often happens on a bet or a dare) is especially dangerous because the victim can ingest a fatal dose before becoming unconscious. Don't be afraid to seek medical help for a friend who has had too much to drink. Don't worry that your friend may become angry or embarrassed-remember, you cared enough to help. Always be safe, not sorry.
Alcohol withdrawal syndrome is a set of symptoms that people have when they suddenly stop drinking after using alcohol for a long period of time. Some people have mild shakiness and sweats. The worst form of withdrawal is called "DTs" (delirium tremens). People with DTs may experience confusion, anxiety and even hallucinations (seeing, hearing or feeling things that aren't really there). DTs can be very serious if not treated by a doctor.
Withdrawal symptoms rarely occur in people who only drink once in a while. Symptoms usually occur in people who have been drinking heavily for weeks or months and then suddenly stop drinking. People who have gone through withdrawal before are more likely to have withdrawal symptoms each time they quit drinking.
Yes. Your doctor needs to know you're going through withdrawal so he or she can make sure it doesn't lead to more serious health problems. If you go through withdrawal a number of times without getting the right treatment, your symptoms may get worse each time. So even if your withdrawal symptoms don't seem that bad, it's important to see your doctor. This is especially true for people who have had a bad withdrawal before and people who have other health problems, such as infections, heart disease, lung disease or a history of seizures.
People who quit using other drugs (such as tobacco, injected drugs or cocaine) at the same time they stop drinking alcohol might have severe withdrawal problems. They should see a doctor before they quit.
A doctor can keep track of withdrawal symptoms so that more serious health problems don't develop. He or she can also give emotional support.
Medicines can control the shakiness, anxiety and confusion that come with alcohol withdrawal. Only a doctor can prescribe these medicines. If you take the medicines at an early stage of the withdrawal, they may keep your symptoms from getting worse.
The urge to drink again during withdrawal can be very strong. Some people may put themselves into dangerous situations. After withdrawal symptoms go away, it's important for the person to join a treatment or sobriety program, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (see contact information under "External Links", or find a meeting near you in "Our Rooms", located at the top of this page). Support from family and friends can help a person find success in one of these programs.
*Note: this list is not necessarily in order.
They are but suggestions and items to put in your little TOOL BAG.
Also noting; this list was written and numbered by recovering alcoholic's. Missing 3 of the 90 tools is another sign we are all human and we will make mistakes!
The terms "spiritual experience" and "spiritual awakening" are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms.
Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or religious experiences, must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous.
In the first few chapters a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming "God-consciousness" followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook.
Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James calls the "educational variety" because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.
Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it "God-consciousness."
Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.
We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
Back to "There is a Solution, appendix II, reference 1"
Back to "There is a Solution, appendix II, reference 2"
An abnormal drinker is either a man who habitually behaves in an asocial, i.e. dangerous or disgusting manner. When under the influence of liquor, even though the time spent in this condition be restricted to reasonable limits, or one who, unlike his normal drinking friends, is unable or unwilling to face a return to reality. For these people a night's sleep is only a particularly long interval of abstention. This type is the true alcoholic. Sometimes both these characteristics of abnormal drinking are present in the same man. If not, the missing one is apt to be latent.
An individual becomes an alcoholic for three main reasons:
Scientific treatment for the eradication of the drink habit can be successfully applied to sane men who have come to realize that drink has definitely disintegrated them to a point where they are no longer able to control themselves, but who would sincerely like to eliminate the habit if they could be shown how to do so.
The treatment consists in instructing a man how to train his mind so that he carries out a sustained course of conduct consistent with the theories of his most mature intellectual self, how to form new habits and stick to them and conversely how to eliminate the unsatisfactory method of trying to adapt himself to his environment through the medium of alcohol. The re-education is comprised of the following steps:
What Dr. Milton Harrington says of people with strong instinctive tendencies seems to be equally applicable to alcoholics. "Instinctive tendencies" he says, "drive some upward to success, while in others, who are unable to direct them into satisfactory channels, they are dammed up only to find outlet in unhealthy ways, and so, instead of doing useful work, react on the mind to distort and destroy it."
AA is the first therapeutic social movement dealing with alcoholism that's outlived its founders and keeps expanding. AA's longevity stems from three factors:
By combining this creative structure with individual freedom of interpretation, AA keeps growing. Originally seen as an enclave of white Christian males, the organization now embraces women, people of color, agnostics and even atheists. And in the core principles of Twelve Step recovery, such as telling the truth, asking for help, and making amends, people keep discovering universal aspects of healing.
Alcoholics Anonymous® , A.A.® , and The Big Book® are registered trademarks of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. The Grapevine® ; and AA Grapevine® ; are registered trademarks of The AA Grapevine, Inc.
www.soberbonesxxx.com® is neither endorsed nor approved by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
This site is solely provided to disseminate information about alcoholism & recovery.
Our primary purpose is to pass on information to help alcoholics in their quest for sobriety.
WE, OF Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.
It is important that we remain anonymous because we are too few, at present to handle the overwhelming number of personal appeals which may result from this publication. Being mostly business or professional folk, we could not well carry on our occupations in such an event. We would like it understood that our alcoholic work is an avocation.
When writing or speaking publicly about alcoholism, we urge each of our Fellowship to omit his personal name, designating himself instead as "a member of Alcoholics Anonymous."
Very earnestly we ask the press also, to observe this request, for otherwise we shall be greatly handicapped.
We are not an organization in the conventional sense of the word. There are no fees or dues whatsoever. The only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking. We are not allied with any particular faith, sect or denomination, nor do we oppose anyone. We simply wish to be helpful to those who are afflicted.
We shall be interested to hear from those who are getting results from this book, particularly from those who have commenced work with other alcoholics. We should like to be helpful to such cases.
Inquiry by scientific, medical, and religious societies will be welcomed.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
We of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. Convincing testimony must surely come from medical men who have had experience with the sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health. A well known doctor, chief physician at a nationally prominent hospital specializing in alcoholic and drug addiction, gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter:
The physician who, at our request, gave us this letter, has been kind enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows. In this statement he confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture must believe that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.
The doctor's theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as exproblem drinkers, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account.
Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged. More often than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer.
Al-ateen: 800-352-9996
Alcohol Abuse and Crisis Intervention: 800-234-0246
Alcohol and Drug Abuse Helpline and Treatment: 800-234-0420
Alcohol Hotline Support & Information: 800-331-2900
National Youth Crisis Hotline: 800-442-HOPE (4673)
Standard forms of therapy for alcoholism include:
Comparison studies have reported that these approaches are equally effective when the program is competently administered. One 2001 study suggested that, in general, AA may have a better abstinence rate than cognitive-behavioral therapy. It is also less expensive. Specific people, however, may do better with one program than another. One study, for example, examined the differences in success rates on type 1 or type 2 alcoholics:
This difference in response to the two forms of treatment held up after 2 years. Other studies have also reported that people with fewer psychiatric problems do best with the AA approach.
AA, founded in 1935, is an excellent example of interactional group psychotherapy and remains the most well-known program for helping people with alcoholism. It offers a very strong support network using group meetings open 7 days a week in locations all over the world. A buddy system, group understanding of alcoholism, and forgiveness for relapses are AA's standard methods for building self-worth and alleviating feelings of isolation.
AA's 12-step approach to recovery includes a spiritual component that might deter people who lack religious convictions. Prayer and meditation, however, have been known to be of great value in the healing process of many diseases, even in people with no particular religious assignation. AA emphasizes that the "higher power" component of its program need not refer to any specific belief system. Associated membership programs, Al-Anon and Alateen, offer help for family members and friends.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) uses a structured teaching approach and may be better than AA for people with severe alcoholism. Patients are given instruction and homework assignments intended to improve their ability to cope with basic living situations, control their behavior, and change the way they think about drinking. The following are examples of approaches:
CBT may be especially effective when used in combination with opioid antagonists, such as naltrexone. CBT that addresses alcoholism and depression also may be an important treatment for patients with both conditions.
Combined behavioral intervention (CBI) is a new form of therapy that uses special counseling techniques to help motivate people with alcoholism to change their drinking behavior. CBI combines elements from other psychotherapy treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy, motivational enhancement therapy, and 12-step programs. Patients are taught how to cope with drinking triggers. Patients also learn strategies for refusing alcohol so that they can achieve and maintain abstinence. In a 2006 study in the Journal of the American Medical Association, CBI -- combined with regular doctor's office visits (medical management) -- worked as well as naltrexone in successfully treating alcoholism.
Partners of people with alcoholism can also benefit greatly from behavioral approaches that help them cope with their mate. Of note, children of an alcoholic mother or father may do better if both parents participate in couples-based therapy, rather than just treating the parent with alcoholism.
Nearly all patients who are alcohol dependent suffer from insomnia and sleep problems, which can last months to years after abstinence. Sleep disturbances may even be important factors in relapse. Available therapies include sleep hygiene, bright light therapy, meditation, relaxation methods, and other nondrug approaches. Many medications for inducing sleep are not recommended in people with alcoholism. [For more information, see In-Depth Report Insomnia and Controlled Substances.]
Some people try alternative methods, such as acupuncture or hypnosis. Such approaches are not harmful. In one study, acupuncture reduced the desire for alcohol in nearly half of people, although it was not significantly more helpful than conventional treatments.
reference - How-Stuff-Works; Alcoholism In-Depth
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WE, OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem.
We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessell from steerage to Captain's table. Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.
The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.
An illness of this sort and we have come to believe it an illness, involves those about us in away no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents; anyone can increase the list.
We hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are, or who may be affected. There are many.
Highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist and the doctor.
BUT THE EX-PROBLEM DRINKER WHO HAS FOUND THIS SOLUTION, WHO IS PROPERLY ARMED WITH FACTS ABOUT HIMSELF, CAN GENERALLY WIN THE ENTIRE CONFIDENCE OF ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC IN A FEW HOURS. UNTIL SUCH AN UNDERSTANDING IS REACHED, LITTLE OR NOTHING CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED.
That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured -these are the conditions we have found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk again.
None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
If we keep on the way we are going there is little doubt that much good will result, but the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched. Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. Many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed. How then shall we present that which has been so freely given us?
We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.
Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. We are aware that these matters are from their very nature, controversial. Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.
You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking; "What do I have to do?"
It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done. Before going into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see them.
How many time people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."
Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.
Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason; ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor, becomes operative; this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Here is a fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.
We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.
These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.
Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.
How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
THE FACT IS THAT MOST ALCOHOLICS, FOR REASONS YET OBSCURE, HAVE LOST THE POWER OF CHOICE IN DRINK. OUR SOCALLED WILL POWER BECOMES PRACTICALLY NONEXISTENT. WE ARE UNABLE, AT CERTAIN TIMES, TO BRING INTO OUR CONSCIOUSNESS WITH SUFFICIENT FORCE THE MEMORY OF THE SUFFERING AND HUMILIATION OF EVEN A WEEK OR A MONTH AGO. WE ARE WITHOUT DEFENSE AGAINST THE FIRST DRINK.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"
When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or to permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot.
THERE IS A SOLUTION. Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences∗ which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.
∗ Fully explained--Appendix II.
If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.
A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character. For years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. He had consulted the best known American psychiatrists. Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician (the psychiatrist, ∗Dr. Jung) who prescribed for him. Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.
So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. He wished above all things to regain self-control. He seemed quite rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. Why was this?
He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was a great physician's opinion.
But this man still lives, and is a free man. He does not need a bodyguard nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this earth where other from men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.
Some or our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor.
The doctor said: "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.
He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?"
"Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional re-arrangement within you. With many individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description."∗
Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. This hope, however, was destroyed by the doc tor's telling him that while his religious convictions were very good, in his case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience.
∗ For amplification--see Appendix II.
Here was the terrible dilemma in which our friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have already told you, made him a free man.
We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.
The distinguished American psychologist, William James, in his book "Varieties of Religious Experience," indicates a multitude of ways in which men have discovered God. We have no desire to convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. If what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all of us, whatever our race, creed, or color are the children of a living Creator with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. Those having religious affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies. There is no friction among us over such matters.
We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice. Not all of us join religious bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.
In the following chapter, there appears an explanation of alcoholism, as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the agnostic. Many who once were in this class are now among our members. Surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual experience.
Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered. These are followed by three dozen personal experiences.
Each individual, in the personal stories, describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he established his relationship with God. These give a fair cross section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives.
We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing."
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Copyright©by
Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
All rights reserved.
back to Carl Jung reference in appendix II, AA Big Book
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We have made every attempt to include all A.A.® meetings for the cities listed in "Our Rooms".
If your city would like to be included on this site, please feel free to contact us with all pertinent information concerning your A.A.® meeting, its location and time.
Also contact us with any updated or corrected information for existing locations and times.
