Please click on a link to read the journal for that day.

9/30/03    10/1/03    10/5/03    10/19/03    10/22/03    11/10/03    11/11/03    11/15/03   

11/23/03    11/30/03    12/7/03    12/11/03    12/14/03    12/28/03    1/8/04    2/3/04

3/21/04    3/26/04    1/9/2005    6/7/2005    6/10/2005    6/13/2005    6/15/2005    6/25/2005   

7/31/2005   

9/30/03 So far today things have gone well. Its freezing here and Im not much for going outside when its this cold. Not much food in the house to work with and so Im struggling with what to eat for lunch. I know Im hungry but I just dont know what to eat yet. I wanted to bake something so the heat from the oven will heat up the house a bit but not much to bake. I guess Ill just make a sandwich or something for now. I have done good with my eating, Im super bored but havent eaten out of boredom yet. Im drinking some green tea, my future mother in law claims that it helps with losing weight. I just drink it cuz its keeping me warm and has no points value compared to hot chocolate. Although chocolate sure does sound good!!

10/1/03 Okay today has gotten off to a good start so far. Had a high protien breakfast, already logged my workouts so its mandatory for me to do them, no backing out allowed, and Im planning on taking Cale to the park for a bit today. Gotta dress warm though, it sure seems cool out still. Thought that getting out into the sun would help a bit. Run around after him for a little while and wear both of us out. Then while he is napping I can at least get part of my workout in. Sounds like a plan to me! I really need to work on getting more water in. I have had this nasty cold for a few days now and it really made me not want to drink or eat anything. Which isnt necessarily a good thing. One thing that also helps me is to check out the success stories on WW.com. They really are inspiring. I love hearing how people have worked through their weight loss. Its truly great.

10/5/03 Great news! I lost another 2.8 pounds this last week! I am super excited!!!! I really couldn't believe it. Almost 3 more pounds gone. That brings my total to 9.2 pounds gone. Only 11.8 till my 10% Its so funny now cuz I just can't wait to weigh in. Usually its the other way around. I am just so jazzed! Just gotta keep up the momentum. Gonna try to start working out this week. Not going to push myself too much. Dont want to lose focus on my food and go backwards. That wouldnt be good at all. I am still having problems saying no and sticking to my guns when at work and other people want to eat whatever. I ate some things I shouldnt have last night but its a good thing I had my new set of flex points to fall back on. Only problem is that I used almost half of them in one day. That means I really gotta stick to it this week. Well Im going to get back to work but wish me luck the rest of the week. (Already can't wait for Saturday to come for my next weigh in!)

10/19/03 Havent been journaling for a little while. Was sick for a few days last week. That somewhat helped my weight loss, managed to lose 7 pounds that week. I knew it was because I hadnt eaten anything for 3 days and was also dehydrated big time. This week I knew I was going to gain a little because of the major loss when I was sick. Managed to only gain 2 pounds. That was pretty good I think. Back into full swing this week. Have gone a little crazy on food today as its my "day off" but will work out tonight and as much as I can this week. Along with watching what Im eating. I should be able to lose at least 2 pounds this week. Up to 14 pounds down now. Still very excited and motivated. Working hard to get in lots of water. Since I was so dehydrated Im trying extra hard to do this. All the extra water should help w/the weight loss efforts too. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I think/wish desperately that Lucas would join with me. I have a hard time bringing it up because I know how sensitive the subject is with him. I really think it would help him a lot and he would feel so much better. Just a thought. Maybe I will make it a goal of mine this week to try and bring it up and see if he would go. Maybe I can suggest that we go together on Mondays. We'll see...

10/22/03 Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were all icky days as far as staying on plan is concerned. Didnt work out, didnt watch what I was eating. Nothing. Well thats a lie, went hiking in the woods for about 4 hours on Monday so that counts as working out, in fact thats like way overboard but maybe it will help me make up for not eating right for 3 out of 7 days. Today Ive done pretty well. Drank tons of water. Im sure that will help. Also went and walked 1 mile so that felt good. Gotta make sure to get in my water and workouts the next two days. That will help tremendously. Kinda lose focus when I go back home. We tend to eat out the whole time or make things super high in fat and calories and if that werent enough I lose control w/portion sizes big time. But back on track today and no more splurge days or anything like that. If I want something naughty Ill have to work it into my points or flex points. Havent used my flex points really but have messed up on food so you could say Ive been using them. At first when I was doing really well I wasnt using them at all. If I wanted something I had to make it fit. None of this going over my points target thing. It really does work. Just gotta stick to it and keep the pedal to the metal. Heres to two more great days and hopefully one more pound down!

11/10/03 Okay so I havent done the best for journaling here or anywhere else for awhile now. I havent been on track like I said I was going to do. Been messing around with other things while doing WW and just havent done the right things. Weighed in on Saturday and found that I did lose but I only lost the weight that I had gained at the last weigh in. So now Im at 14 pounds down. This week will be different. Saturday I didnt watch what I was eating but yesterday I went through and figured out points for everything I had and counted it all. Used almost all of my flex points in one day. But as I have said in previous journals I started off doing this using only the points in my target and no flex points at all. I can do it again. At least for the rest of this week. Have been doing pretty good. Didnt get out of line yesterday at work which is a big stepping stone for me cuz I had cookies sitting in my face all day. All I really wanted to do was eat one or five but I held off. Ate all the food I brought with me and managed to not give in to urges. I did really well and proud of myself for not giving in. That is really hard to do. So heres to another good day!!!

11/11/03 I did so well yesterday it was unbelievable! I am super excited. Just wanted to journal before making some breakfast. Need to start adding in a little bit more exercise. I already park as far away from the door at work as possible. And I take the stairs most of the time, when the elevator is not necessary for taking something to a guests room. *I work at a hotel* Since its gotten colder I have been going to the mall and to Walmart with my son a lot more. Not necessarily to shop but just to walk around and look at things. So that helps a bit also. Id like to be able to go to the mall alone and just walk at my own "fast pace" for 45 mins or so. That would make me feel like I am accomplishing more. But as long as Im doing something right? I need to start breaking out the video tapes I have and tossing them in the vcr in the morning and getting my exercise out of the way first thing in the morning. Sounds like a plan, now I just have to stick to it. Ill let you know either later or tomorrow how Im doing. =)

11/15/03 Weighed in today. Had a few days of bad evenings, if that makes sense at all?! Still lost .8 pound. Pretty excited about that. Puts me at 195.2 I think or something like that. Really kicking it into gear this week. Will try after this afternoon not to use my flex points but still give myself leway (sp?) to use them if/when needed. Will have to budget them out for the week. That might work. One thing Im going to try will be something I read on the WW message boards and what we talked about at the meeting today, to act like a kid. Think about life the way a kid does. Eat only when you are truly hungry and stop eating when you are SATISFIED. Playing is fun, moving your body is fun, its not work. Sitting still is punishment. Go go go till youre dead tired. And for me it should be easy Ill just follow my sons lead. Sounds like a plan. I have been eating more veggies/fruit, and trying really hard to get my milk in. So far so good. Brought the ingredients for some hot fruit salad with me to work today to make for the girl I work with so we can pig out on that tonight. If anybody wants the recipe either email me at [email protected] or post a message in my guestbook and Ill get it to you. Im hoping in the future to get a recipe page on here too. Good luck to you all! =)

11/23/03 Weighed in yesterday. Had a bad week. Well actually it was an overall great week. Went and spent the day with Lucas' father and got to visit his brother for a little while. Then spent a few days at my parents house. Got carried away with eating. Not only what I was eating but the amount of food that I managed to stuff into me is astonishing. Really and truly it is. Really need to come up with a plan for food as far as traveling. I think next time Im going to offer to cook or something like that. We will see I guess. Anyways, let myself go this week and gained 3 pounds. So now Im at 12 pounds lost total. Which is still really great. Im proud of myself for losing 12 pounds. Anywho, one good thing about my visits back home is that I find myself outside more often and walking trails and going to parks and things. Even when its cold. Here I find myself making excuses for not going outside and doing things. Really need to kick myself in the butt and get into gear. Will do so this week. Have done well today except Ive been in the hard candies a bit much and had two small servings of plain m&ms. But other than that have stayed on plan. Will try to go home and get one mile in before bed but not sure about that yet. Im pretty dead tired. So anywho my goal for this week is to stay on plan and get in my water and try as hard as I can to get in at least a mile a day till Saturday. Then we will go from there. Back to work I go! =)

11/30/03 Didnt weigh in this week. Have been feeling really down about gaining. Have been eating like the worlds going to end tomorrow. Its really insane. I know I have gained this week, especially since I didnt watch what or how much I ate for Thanksgiving. I really got out of control. Tomorrow I am back on track. No more messing around. I cant afford to waste more of my time. Thats what this really is. Im wasting my time by not taking this seriously and sticking to it. Yes I can mess up every now and then but not all the time like this. It can be "Oh I had one bad day last week" instead of "Oh I had 2 bad weeks last month". Right? Take it one day at a time. And thats what Im going to do!

12/7/03 Didnt weigh in again this week. Was busy spending time with my sister for her birthday. Also kinda avoiding the scale since I havent been keeping on myself at all. Been eating anything and everything. Was doing okay for a few days, worked out also on Thurs and last night. Tomorrow will be a better day. Been really frustrated with a lot of things and all because of stupid little things. It really doesnt make any sense. I have noticed that this week I am actually feeling really fat. I dont think that I felt that way before. Its strange. I have changed a couple of things, instead of taking the pill for birth control I am now on the shot (depo) and so we will see how that goes. I know my friend gained some weight while on it but at the same time she wasnt exactly watching what/how much she was eating either. I feel like I have been sick ever since the cold weather has kicked in and it really sucks. Ive got this cold/allergy thing that just kills me in the winter time, no clue why either. Its strange. Okay mini goals for this week. Stay on plan, drink lots of water, and try to do some exercise. (Got a new dvd this weekend, bellydancing workout-did it last night for the first time, seems cool, will be hard till I get the moves down but thats cool.) Wish me luck! I swear I will weigh in this weekend! =)

12/11/03 I am really depressed. I can tell I have gained so much weight. I really feel fat. Not sure how much Ive gained but its not good, thats all I know. I keep saying Im going to get back on track and everything and never do. I really am weighing in on Saturday. I know thats part of it. I just havent been going to meetings and Ive been eating like crazy. Eating whatever I want and however much I want. Havent been drinking water like I was or anything like that. Its been awful. The main reason that Im writing in here today is that I am going to do well for one day *tomorrow* and then weigh in on Saturday. The thing that has me motivated is that I read this article in the paper and this woman lost 130 pounds on WW and adding exercise into her life. She is an inspiration to women all over. *men too!* You just never see someone say hey this is the way I was and now its different. I want to be that way. I am going to be that way. Things will change starting tomorrow. I know if I really wanted to do this right Id start right now but Im just not that well prepared here at work to do so but I promise right now starting tomorrow things will be different, forever. I have been adding some exercise into my life slowly. Different things Ive never done before like step aerobics and bellydancing. So far so good. Here I go! =)

12/14/03 Okay so I weighed in yesterday and found out that I shouldnt have been all depressed about my gain. I only gained .4 pound. I was really really really good on Friday ate exactly my target and worked out twice so I know that helped. Back on track and doing well. Ate some naughty things for dinner last night but didnt go crazy and eat everything in sight afterwards. Worked out again last night. Might take tonight off or only do 1 mile instead of 2. Not sure yet. Will see how I feel when I get home tonight. Or maybe Ill do my belly dancing dvd for a lil change. That would be fun. One goal for this week is to try some new reicpes. I really need to find other things to eat besides chicken and potatoes and green beans. LOL!! Also to lose at least 2 pounds this week. I know that I am capable of doing this! Good luck to all of you this week! =)

12/28/03 Okay so I havent journaled for two weigh ins now. Im ashamed of myself!! I lost 3.2lbs last week, I really kept on myself and worked out a lot. Drank all my water it was just a great week. Then of course the holidays came upon us and lo and behold I went a little crazy. Went back home and made puppy chow and peanut butter crackers covered in chocolate. Ate almost half of the puppy chow by myself!! Anywho still drank lots of water and worked out just a tiny bit and only gained .8. So overall not too bad if I do say so myself. Just got the fast track info, thinking about doing that next week maybe. I dont know that I will do two weeks of it like they say too. That might be too much for me. Maybe one week every now and then will be good to keep me going. I am currently looking at purchasing some new workout tapes/dvds. Im using the Walk away the pounds quite a bit. I really like those but need things to spice it up here and there. Got a bellydancing dvd not too long ago. Not bad, I can do the mini things where they teach you moves but when it comes to the actual workout itself Im completely lost. Also Im looking at ordering Carmen Electras Aerobic Striptease workout dvds. Someone posted about it on the message boards and I checked them out. Looks very cool. They have a really good deal if you buy all the dvds together but Id like to just get the first one and see if I like it before getting the rest. I get super frustrated sometimes when I cant do things the way I think I should. Anywho, so thats it for now. Will check back in later in the week to let you know how Im doing. HOpe everyone had a great holiday. Oh and if this is your first time or whatever to my site please sign my guestbook. Id really appreciate it! Thanks!

1/8/04 Okay so I apologize for not writing here lately. Ive been a busy girl. Christmas time and New Years have been crazy! Had a late xmas party for work and family so its been wild. Got really crazy with my eating. Gained 2.8 pounds over that time period. Havent been doing the best with my eating. Im doing really well until its time to go to bed and then Im hungry and I eat crap. Lots of crap! I just got my aerobic striptease set so Ive been mesmorized by that. I love it. Its so much fun. The workout really kicks some butt. I love the dances. They are fun. The ones with props are a bit harder but I still like them. Gives you a bit of a challenge. So needless to say Im hurting pretty good today. (And for the last 3 days!) Im hoping all my working out counteracts the funky eating at night. I honestly dont know what Im thinking when I eat that late and right before bed! So tonight thats not going to happen. I have today and tomorrow to be super good and then I weigh in on Saturday. This was a short week. I missed my meeting last Sat and so I weighed in on Monday. Kinda strange to have such a short week to work with. I am soo sick of it being winter here. I want to be able to get to a park and run and play with Cale. I miss it being sunny and everything. I love to go hiking and stuff. You cant really do that with a 2 year old when its -10 with the wind chill ya know? Okay well enough venting Im gonna go workout. Talk to you later!

2/3/04 Here I am writing in here after not doing so for an entire month. I feel so discouraged. I made it through the holidays without too many problems but now everything has gone downhill. What am I to do? I lost my WW buddy awhile ago. She started doing South Beach again and stopped going to meetings with me. So even though I was doing everything right I didnt have the support at home that I shouldve had. I really want Lucas to join. They have free registration so now is the perfect time, if hes ready. I just dont know anymore. Am I supposed to be fat the rest of my life? Yikes! I really wish things were simpler when it comes to losing weight. I think tomorrow Im "starting over". Im going to do the WW program and watch what I eat and drink tons of water and not worry about exercise just yet. Although if I feel like working out then I will but I wont push it. So thats my goal until Saturday when I weigh in again. Will write on Sat to tell you how I did. =)

3/21/04 It has been a month since I have logged on here. That is awful! Needless to say I havent been on plan for that long too! I have gained all of my weight back. So now Im back at my starting point of 210 lbs. Its very discouraging. Went to my meeting yesterday and didnt really follow plan. But today has been a good day so far. Wrote down everything Im going to eat today this morning so that I know where Im at and what I can have. Im sooo tempted to eat while Im at work because I dont have much else to do. Especially days like today. Its really quiet here since the Basketball teams have checked out and hardly anyone is checking in. Its a strange day. Im taking a mini vacation Monday through Friday. So that will be nice. I am going home to visit so I will have to really watch myself. Its easy to overeat and eat everything in sight at home. I think we will go to the zoo sometime this week. That will be fun to get out and do something. I suppose I should find something work related to do so Im not just sitting here. Just wanted to check in.

3/26/04 Needless to say I still havent started yet. I just havent been motivated to do anything. And needless to say Ive gained more than I couldve imagined. One good thing to come of this is that my fiance Lucas is going to join with me. We are going to start going on Wednesday nights together. Hopefully having both of us on WW will help me stay on track. Now Ill be able to cook one meal. Im also hoping that we can start getting our son to eat better. Hes only 3 but its never too early to start. I would love for us as a family to be able to go to the park and play and go for walks or anything active. Its usually just myself and Cale that go outside to do anything. Lucas is more of a stay at home in front of the tv kind of guy. Hed rather stay inside and play video games as opposed to going to the zoo with Cale or anything like that. Not to say that I dont have my days where Id rather sit at home but once I get outside in the nice weather I love it. I love to go back home and go on 1-4 hour hikes with my mom and things like that. Anywho where was I again? I just want to feel good again. I only lost 10ish pounds off and on but I did feel a difference. What is up with these people losing 100 lbs in a year? Damn! I keep thinking I wish I could do that. But guess what? I can! I know I can, I just need to do it! And stop saying I wish I could. I just need to do. Right? Okay so thats what Im going to do. Im going to do this. I AM GOING TO DO THIS. Nothing else to it. Going to write up a grocery list now. Wish me luck this week!

1/9/2005 I cannot believe that it has been almost a year since I updated this thing! It sure doesn't feel like a year has gone by. I couldn't even tell you how much I weighed a year ago. Probably not as much as I do now, thats for sure. Just two weeks ago I started back on "losing weight". So far have lost 5 pounds. Now I know its not much but hey it sure is a good start. A great start. I am sitting at 226 right now. Would like to get to 170ish before we go to Las Vegas for vacation again this year. That would be nice. I could handle comparing vacation pictures from last year where I look like a huge block or for this year where I will look much healthier. Anywho I just wanted to write something up here and let yall know Im still alive. Will write again tomorrow for sure!

6/7/2005 Okay so seriously I need a kick in the ass! This is the bazillionth time for me restarting Weight Watchers. Have realized this is something that takes work its just not going to happen easily for me. Probably not for anyone now that I think about it. I realize that there are a lot of things about my life that I need to change. My emotional eating being the biggest. Its causing me to not only gain weight but have major problems with acid reflux. My mom was diagnosed with diabetes not too long ago. Thankfully shes only having to do diet and exercise but if she doesn't get control soon she will have to go on to insulin. I dont even want to get to the point where they say I have it. I know Im on the edge. Its been really rough. Sometimes its hard to even find the money to buy healthier foods let alone to pay to attend meetings. Sometimes sacrifice is worth it. Weighed in this week (my fourth week on plan) and gained about half a pound. Not too shabby considering I ate crazy on Saturday and then Sunday night. This week my goal was to get my 2 servings of dairy in and guess what I find out? That straight milk just does not work for my body. Had some major probs after a few days of being "good". Guess I will have to make myself in the mood for yogurt. Who knows. Or maybe since yogurt doesn't always sound good Ill buy some lactaid or something. Anyone have any suggestions? (it never occured to me that people actually read this and can help me!) =) Will try harder this week to stay w/in my points and to try to get a little more activity in. Guess I will go plan tomorrows meals. Take care everyone!

6/10/2005 Alrighty Im here again! Doing pretty well this week. Have only used 5 of my flex points. With the disaster I had last week with trying to get my milk servings in I am trying again. This time to get at least one serving a day. Maybe my body just needs to be introduced to milk slower. My co-worker Shelly is also trying to lose some weight. She doesnt have as far to go as I do but Im glad that she is trying the same time I am. Its nice to have someone to talk to about it. She isnt doing Weight Watchers. Just her own reduced cal/watching portion size "diet". Right now I would love to be where she is at 170. I would love it at this point in time. Who knows. So I was a little disappointed about gaining that half pound but Im thinking its alright. Sometimes I think a gain just means I have wasted that weeks meeting money. (money is really tight right now, Im kinda splurging to pay for meetings) I know I shouldnt think that way. Its just nuts. Lucas, my fiance, is working on putting together a new website design for me, its looking really cool. Cant wait to get it up here. Well my son is up for the day now and I really should get something started for breakfast! Hope everyone is well!

6/13/2005 So, its been a pretty good week. Havent gotten too crazy with my eating. Did come home a couple nights from work and ate some things I shouldnt have but hey its what we do sometimes. Been talking with a co-worker, Krista, about working out. Shes letting me borrow her 8 min series. (buns, abs, thighs and arms) Just started with that today. Did the arms/abs. Also walked about 1 mile. Feel awesome after walking. I really need to keep in mind that I always feel so great after working out. Duh. Am I really that lazy? =) I think Ill try to do my 1 mile walk at least 3 times a week and do the 8 min series daily- alternating between the two tapes. So tomorrow I guess Ill be working on my thighs and buns. Speaking of buns...Lucas has repeatedly said that my "buns" are looking smaller. =) Yea! Hopefully it also shows on the scale tomorrow. After my gain last week Im a little nervous about hopping on the scale tomorrow night. Its just a lil nerve wracking. I really really dont wanna gain. I would say that Id be happy with any loss, even something small. But I really would be happier with 2lbs or so. Id like to keep my weight loss going. Guess we will see. I should go run through the shower and try to get the kid to bed. Will check in tomorrow and let everyone know hows things went! Adios!

6/15/2005 Hey all! Lost 2.4 pounds this week! YEA!!! Very happy about that. Also started exercising this week too. Have been doing the 8 min. Abs/Arms and walking one mile daily. I would like to make up an exercise chart to list what I have done that day for my activity. Will have to work on that. I am definitely feeling the 8 min. Abs for sure! I was hurting sooo bad yesterday. It stills hurt today. So much that just doing the regular crunches on the program was killing me. =) Made it through though. Will probably keep going every other day for that until my stomach gets used to actually doing something for a change! Cant wait to lose some more weight and go out to Vegas to show off to my parents! Havent seen my mom for almost 2-3 months now and my dad for at least a month. Its soo strange to not see them anymore. My MIL bought me some WW Smoothie mix yesterday so Im gonna make some for breakfast today I think. Would like some strawberries to go with but hey vanilla is good. =) Yesterday in our meeting we talked about all the different things we do for everyone in our lives. We had to make a list of who we helped and what we did for these people. Then when we were done Sandy asked, did anyone list themselves? Amazingly not a single person had put themselves on the list. Not a one!!! Can you believe it? Our challenge this week is to ask for help. We need to do something to help ourselves this week. Mine has been to ask Lucas to watch Cale while I go out and do my walk around the area. (I know I could take Cale but I feel like I can go at my pace instead of his when Im alone, plus its a pretty good distance) So far he has been pretty good about it. If he ever says no Im not sure how I will work around that. He does start a new job on Monday so I will have to figure out how to work around that also. Maybe start walking in the evenings instead. Alrighty so thats the game plan for this week. Heres to a great one!

6/25/2005 Hey everyone Im back! Had a great weigh in this Tuesday. Lost some more, and am now looking at 10.4 pounds gone! Im really excited. I just really feel like I cant screw up. I have been slacking a little the last two days. Have been eating a few things and not writing them down. Feel like since Ive started exercising I need to eat a little more. I really need to start tracking my Activity Points and then eat those. Right now Im just using my Flex Points and not even tracking the AP. Am feeling pretty good. Am really interested to see what the scale is going to do this Tues. Hoping to be at least another pound down. I think a major thing that is motivating me is not seeing my family so often. I really want to surprise them by losing weight and eating healthy. Cant wait! Especially since my parents live out in Las Vegas now. What a great way to celebrate, surprising my parents and hanging out in Vegas. (Would love to take my sister Jessica out with me for our visit too!) I suppose I should go get some breakfast made up. Will post again soon!

7/31/2005 Okay so seriously I need a kick in the butt. Have been doing okay since that last time I journalled. But why haven't I updated since almost a month ago?? Crazy! Right now I am sitting at a 9 pound loss. Hoping to be down at least another pound this week. Have done pretty well watching how much Im eating and what Im eating...at least up until the last two days. I think its stress eating. Otherwise so far so good. I really need to get back outside walking and stuff. Will be doing laundry tomorrow at Lucas' moms place so I can use their treadmill while Im doing that. Will try to get out for a walk each day but sometimes it just doesnt happen. Im sure everyone knows how that goes. Have planned a little mini trip to see my parents at the end of August. I would like to lose another 8-10 pounds by then. Really have to buckle down tomorrow and for the rest of the month. Hoping to somewhat stay on track while Im visiting but sometimes when you are staying at someones home you are kind of at their mercy. At least I can choose how much I eat right? =) Things at work are picking up with the State Fair right around the corner. Should be pretty busy this month. Wont have as much time to sit around and eat junk so that will be good. I know I complain when we are that busy but hey its that much less that I am eating, or have time to eat. Good for me I guess. =) Dont really know much else. Will probably try to update again after weighing in on Tuesday. Later!