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Things Snape Would Never Say

As always, submissions are welcome, so mail me if you have a suggestion!

1. "50 points to Gryffindor!"

2. "I'm so happy!"

3. "I'm in love!"

4. "The Marauders? Oh, yes, they were such good friends."

5. "Here, Harry, have a Chocolate Frog, my treat."

6. "Did you know that I did love Sibyll Trelawney?"

7. "Defense Against the Dark Arts? Why would I teach such a boring and lousy subject when I'm so happy here teaching Potions?"

8. "Starting today I'll be changing my black robes to pink ones. All of them."

9. "100 points from Slytherin!"

10. "Malfoy, I was a fool for thinking you were so perfect and all! The only reason I favored you was because I was in love with your mother!"

11. "*singing* I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?"

12. "I have all the videos of Sailor Moon, each and every season, from the original season to SailorStars!"

13. "*quoting Britney Spears' song, Overprotected* My life has been so overprotected!"

14. "Love makes the world go round!"

15. "Smile, people! Be happy! I don't want to see any sad faces, now."

16. "Minerva, I love you. Will you marry me?"

17. "I'm getting married!"

18. "Harry, I am your father."

19. "Happy, happy, joy, joy, happy, happy, joy, joy!..."

20. "I'm quitting to be a spy for Dumbledore and become a loyal Death Eater instead!"

21. "Long live Lord Voldemort!"

22. "PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!!!!"