what maybe best describes me is that i don't really fit in anywhere, belong nowhere...
undedicated though alledgedly talented student. nin. archaeologist. cuts. scared.
pain.
failure failed artist ? mediocre artist ?
failure. resignation. uncertainty.
fragile
functioning on the surface, conceaing an inner void. shallow, unable to deal with people. push them away yearning for a touch. introvert. lonely
fragile. looking at life from different points. reality? illusion? *all this pain is an illusion*, in the words of tool.
there are moments when it's almost within my reach. that feeling that i can command, can determine the direction. moments in life, when i‘m feeling. when i feel i'm part of this life, moments of contentment, almost serenity. but they slip away always. and from the abyss you can't remember the feeling of sunlight. tossed about by the waves the feeling of power is an illusion.
pain is an illusion. i can wish it away. not real. hold on to that. not succeding.
holding on. too afraid, and just maybe too curious to quit,
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