All the World's a Stage

(The stage is empty, and most of the players are stage left or stage right rather than in front, where there are two empty chairs set facing the stage. The paper forest and animals from a Midsummer Night's Dream are still on the stage, as is the sofa. Enter HERMIONE, GINNY, and HANNAH.)

HANNAH: This is so unbelievably prejudiced. Witches. You can so tell a man wrote this play.

GINNY: You should've been around for the last play. Hermione and I had practically no lines at all.

(HERMIONE glares at them and sets a chipped bowl on the sofa to be a 'cauldron' for right now.)

HERMIONE: When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

HARRY: Saturday all right for everyone?

DRACO: No, it's supposed to be sunny Saturday.

HARRY: Well, how about Tuesday, then?

RON: Today's Tuesday.

HARRY: Oh, well then-

GINNY: When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.

HARRY: Sure, that works too.

HANNAH: That will be ere the set of sun.

SEAMUS: (imitating HANNAH) It's in my day planner and everything.

HANNAH: Seamus? Die now. Thanks so much.

HERMIONE: I'll settle for them shutting up for five minutes, personally.... Where the place?

GINNY: Upon the heath.

SEAMUS: Yeah, all the meeting halls and really good spooky haunted groves're taken by those weirdo fairies.

HANNAH: There to meet with Macbeth.

HERMIONE: I come, Graymalkin!

COLIN: Who's Graymalkin?

RON: Don't think it matters, actually... I don't think there's a Graymalkin in this play?

CRABBE: (authoritatively) Graymockin's the kitty.

RON: (glancing at CRABBE) Sure. Whatever you say.

GINNY: Paddock calls.

COLIN: Then who's Paddock?

CRABBE: Horsy.

COLIN: Wow, you've read this before, huh?

HANNAH: Anon.

SEAMUS: Forsooth!

DEAN: ...Forsooth?

SEAMUS: Well, I had to say something.

ALL THREE GIRLS: (somewhat off balance and jumbled) Fair is foul, and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air.

DRACO: It's the paint fumes, I expect. You'll get used to them.

(The girls exit stage right, all three stalking and angry.)

GINNY: Well, I think we can all see where this is going.

HANNAH: Hermione, may I please hurt them?

HERMIONE: After rehearsal, Hannah, be my guest.

(HANNAH snickers evilly, and there is an abrupt disappearance of every cast member stage right and their equally abrupt reappearance stage left.)

DEAN: (to SEAMUS) Coward.

SEAMUS: Well, you know what they say about Hufflepuffs... they only look cute and cuddly.

NEVILLE: (innocently) Well, think about it, Seamus... there's a possibility of whips and smiting.

SEAMUS: (blinks) Oooh... you're right, Nev.

(SEAMUS abruptly reappears stage right, beside HANNAH.)

HANNAH: You are a strange person and you frighten me deeply.