| WELCOME TO THE NEW WEEKLY SlaM!!! |
| ::DATED!!! But never posted:: Ahh, the WEEKLY SlaM.... I really need to re-name this thing...badly! Oh well, you oughta know by now the lifestyle of a procrastinator prohibits such things from happening. So, what is it that we should discuss now? Crotchless panties? Newt Gingriche's sex appeal? P'raps we could delve upon the topic of Vanilla Waffers...scrumptiously euphoric, or devilishly distasteful? Seeing how I already go off on music all the time, I'll make it a point not to bring it up in this part of the equation. (Which seeing how the last couple of "Weekly" SlaM's that has been the more prominant focal point, it's gonna be kinda hard...but I'll give it my best!) I'll start off by lettin ya know not once is there going to be a reference to Steven Q. Urkle (Please....hold your awww-ing) but many potshots to Bob Sagget will more than likely be had...so don't fret! (O.K., so that may not happen either...I don't know yet...I'm still writing!) |
| "Honestly...you know you'd fuck'em if he asked ya!" |
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| But when you're at a loss for idea's, there's one source you can turn to for inspiration... unfortunately I've already stroked it three times tonite, so I guess I'll just have to skim the headlines of the Weekly World News for something. Here's an idea. Mr. Ben Affleck. With the release of Daredevil on VHS/DVD this past Tuesday, and with Gigli out on the big screen right now, one might assume this man is in high spirits. (And hey, if you were voted People's Sexiest Man Alive, wouldn't you be too?) But this sputnik thinks Mr. Affleck's happier days will soon be going to the "where are they now" bin. How can I hate on a hometown boy, you ask? Easily, I just do. Sure, he's married to the "ass" of tinsel town...for the moment. And sure, he's got money up the wazoo. But after releasing two pieces of shit in a row (Gigli...I don't need to put my reasons down, just try and watch the fuckin thing! But Daredevil does need some hype as to why it sucks...and I shall do so in a clever way.) |
| "I'm SUPER...thanks for asking!": Blindsiding the latex clad hero fad. |
| If you've seen Daredevil, and there's a high possability you probably haven't, but say that you HAVE, there are alot of discrepencies throughout this movie that make you wonder...who the fuck writes this shit? Supposedly the character in which Ben plays is a man who, as a boy, was in a freak accident which left him blinded, but with super powers that heighten his other senses and give him a radar-esque ability which allows him to "see" better than he could before. But to the rest of the world, they know him as an average blind guy. Now to point upon the faults in this movie, I'll have to ask you...can a blind man open a door that he shouldn't know is there? Evidently the laws of reality don't apply here because in the entire movie, no one's looked surprised to see him do this. (Note: These people don't know of his powers) Sure, it's not a comedy, but they should've atleast ONCE had him walkin face first into a door just to show some normalcy in his character. Another point...The Kingpin is NOT a BLACK MAN!!! (This doesn't have anything to do with Ben, but I figured I'd add it in anyway.) I know we live in a state of "equal rights" but go puruse the pages of every Marvel Comic featuring this charecter and try to show me when what was once a big fat assed white guy turned into a Doctor Dre clone! Granted I stopped buying comics a few years back, but I never heard of the Kingpin developing the reverse Michael Jackson disease. And trust me...news that big I'd a heard about!!! And now for the biggest fault in the ENTIRE MOVIE. They casted Ben FUCKING Affleck as the MAN WITHOUT FEAR?!?! Sure...he might've played a bad ass in "Good Will Hunting", but if a guy the likes of him in that flick came up to him on the streets, I'm sure the headlines would read "Ben Affleck, Cowars in fear!" (With a picture of him hiding behind J-Lo's gargantuan ass!) There's only one thing that could top that as the number one fault. What is that you may ask? A SEQUEL!!! (Feed starving kids in Sariavo before you fund that shit...honestly!!!) The only good thing about this movie....Jennifer Garner. But how ironic, she gets killed off. (One of the few things that acctualy sticks to the story of the Comic) Like I said towards the start of this....WHO WRITES THIS SHIT?!?! |