| WELCOME TO THE NEW WEEKLY SlaM!!! |
| That being said...let's get on to the S l a M M i N!!!! |
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| Let me know what ya think.................................. |
| ...............................Click the prick to mail me!!! |
| Well...that's about it for this week...so till later.... |
| I AM SlaM, and you ONLY...wish you WERE!!! |
| Hidey ho Slappy...been awhile since I've graced ya's with one of these "WEEKLY" SlaM's (god I love callin it that!) so...let's take a few minutes to chastise your's truly for neglecting the avid readers who line up every week only to be dissapointed that the most immature sputnik runnin amok on god's green earth doesn't care about them anymore! OK...stop paddlin my ass...I got a job to do! What's gone on since the last edition: Nell Carter croaked the other day... My beard's almost braid-a-ble... and Sadaam is on the verge of gettin Sodomed! |
| BEANS BEANS...we all know they're the musical fruit...but the sound they emit ironicaly comes out a helluvalot better than what's been shinin through my speakers as of late. There's a new band out there more blasphimous than the few I've been ridin like a hobo does a bench in Central Park and they go by the name of Social Burn. The hell's that mean anyway? They all got VD from sleepin around? I'm stumped!! What I do know is this. HELLO KURT!!! Oh wait, he's been deceased for almost 9 years now....that can't be him! But take the vocals from any track on In Utero, the riff of Dive off Incesticide, and put Dave Grohl behind the drums...and BAM...you've got this bands GRAND AND GREAT "NEW" song. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy was a mirror image of my blonde haired idol. There's finaly a reason why Rap deserves to top the charts...it's more original than the grave diggin rapists that make up the modern day recultivation of the Grunge coalition. Sadly...rap isn't original. Insert ho's, rim's, ER force one's and you got a song. For once, I'm gonna run silent on the music industry from now on. Why waste time on wasted tunes? Until Kelly Ozbourne is banished from the industry, there's no point to even toy with the subject. I'm shocked Ozzy hasn't kicked her and his own ass every time he hears her racoon distress call of a voice. If talent were money...she'd be filin Chapter 11!!! But, she's under contract...and I'm still strugglin. Funny how it all comes to be, ain't it? |
| While I'm at it...and since this is the last season...here's my idea of what will become of the quaint wholesome television family the world has come to belove and cherrish. |
| Ozzy...the head of the household, and the lyrical "wizard" that he is, won't be tainted by this reality stint. Instead, the prince of darkness will create a full legnth EP entitled "Sharoooooooooooon" in which he pays tribute to his lovable and entertaining wife, sings about his love for Boritto's, and denounces the fact that Kelly and Jack aren't his legitimate kids. (C'mon...they're fat snooty pricks...they can't be his!) Sharon will enjoy much success with her slated talk show in which she'll meet the likes of such legends as Carrot Top, Shaq, (whose interview will HOPEFULY be subtitled so's the viewers know just what in the hell he's acctualy sayin!) and ME!!! Cuz after all....ya need someone to bring in ratings. Jack will be casted on Will and Grace and finaly come out of the closet. Someone harboring such hostility has to be hiding a secret. And I don't think the fact that he's gotten it on with a playmate is the one. Cuz Cheesus Rice...he's got bigger jugs than half the Bunny's on the 2002 wall calender. and finaly... Kelly. After realizing that selling only two c.d.'s isn't enough to stay in the music industry, she'll crawl away like the slug she is onto an operating table to undergo many upon many Liposuction treatments. Follow that up with facial reconstruction surgery and some singing lessons and she'll attempt a comeback tour which will be more frowned upon than the one Jacko put on earlier this year. Surprisingly enough, she's already got a biography out. Written by the illustrious novelist Stephen King, it is entitled "Silver Bullet" Let's hope the ending comes true. Because if I may take the time to do so, I shall quote Maynard James Keenan whereas he boldly and intelligently pointed out "Not all martyr's see divinity" Ain't it the truth!!! With her banishment from mother earth, hope will be restored, and life will become more valuable to those with working ears. As for the animals. All but the hump dog shall remain the same. He'll be protested by one Bob Barker who won't rest one waking hour till he's nuetered. Thus helping to control the pet population. |
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| ...and this one I found under my dad's bed! |