Ethics

These are some guidelines and are merley suggestions

Lifestyle Ethics

1.Be Respectful... Showing respect for yourself and others is a must in almost any situation.There is seldom an excuse for anyone, especially a submissive, to be rude, disrespectful or disruptive. In a real life social situation it probably will not be tolerated and will most likely lead to you being viewed in a negative light by those that take the lifestyle seriously. Online it exposes you for what you are: Untrained or a wannabe. Do not try to Dom or order another Master's/Mistress's slave/sub. That is the quickest way to lose any respect you may have earned.beside the fact that you will be facing an angry Master who will give you swift judgement.One doesn't approach an "owned "or even a Temporarily collared" sub and seek to play with him/her. The proper procedure is to approach the Top first. Knowing who IS collared to whom and who won't or can't play with others without permission may be a bit of a problem. And remember not all subs are collared. Be very careful how you approach someone if you are not sure. If you make a mistake, and a sub directs you to his/her Dom, then explain your ignorance of the situation to the Dom first, then make your request. At a play party,hosts are the best bets usually since they invited people. When I'm approached in this situation, and it is appropriate, I offer to make an introduction.

2.Be Polite... Good manners are appreciated everywhere, and in a formal D/s situation, they are imperative.The use of such things as " Thank you, " "Please " and "You are welcome " will not go unnoticed, just as the failusre to use them won't go unheeded. Using common courtesy will go a long way in gaining you some positive attention; at the very least, it won't give you a negative reaction.

3.Be Well Groomed and Dress Appropriately... Contrary to popular belief, submissives do not run around half-dressed or naked in all social situations. Maintaining a neat, clean appearance will gain more positive attention than a thong and chainmail bra.Mind and adhere to the dress codes for Scenes, Play Parties, Meetings,Ect.

4.Be Well Behaved... Being well-behaved speaks louder than any words you could use. Another thing to watch out for is the ridiculous behavior of some of the "Online" submissives.You will see things like subs hugging, kissing, and lap-sitting with every Dominant on the channel.Be aware that this is NOT acceptable or desired by any Dom worth his salt. They may be amused by these actions but it's doubtful that they would choose one of the subs that participate in this sort of thing. I'm always embarrassed by submissives that go out of their way to provoke or anger Dominants. This seems to be a childish attempt to gain attention and seldom gets more than an occasional " swat " from a Dominant who has had enough of it.

5.Kneeling at a Dominant's Feet... It is my experience that kneeling does not come into play until a submissive is under the protection or care of a Dominant. Kneeling is an outward sign of submission and respect and should not be taken lightly. It signifies a relationship between the submissive and Dominant and without some sort of interaction between them, kneeling is not expected and shouldn't be done.

6.Using the term "Master/Mistress"... Again, this should not be taken lightly and is very much overplayed in IRC .A Dominant is not your Master or Mistress until there is an agreement between the two of you and an exchange of power has taken place. The more appropriate term " Sir/Ma'am "should be used until you have truly given control of yourself to this person.

7.Taking your place with your Dominant... Once ownership has been established, the submissive is expected to take their specified place when they are in the presence of their Dominant.Each has their own preference and standards, and it's the duty of the Dominant to make sure His/Her submissve knows what is expected.

8.Submission is NOT Ordered... Submission is given, and then only after trust has been established. No true Dominant would ever expect such a thing from a submissive who does not have a relationship with Him/Her. It doesn't happen because they say so, it happens when you reach an understanding with them.

9.Safe, Sane, Consensual... The essential ethic of BDSM practice is mutual consent. To discipline without consent is assualt. To carry out a sexual act without consent is rape. Nothing is done to a submissive that hasn't been agreed upon and/or negotiated. BDSM incorporates hurt but not harm. Hurt is defined as temporary damage that goes away after a reasonably short duration.ie:bruises, redness, welts. Harm is defined as damage that requires outside attention,ie: stitches, dislocated shoulder, sprain or break. If an action is negotiated with a sub, and is allowed by her, even though it appears to be harm (branding for example) it is classified as hurt. BDSM incorporates hurt but never intentional harm. tripping and breaking an arm doesn't count! There are many ways to distinguish BDSM from abuse. I will list them here since all societies also live by them. we are very careful of what we do and how we do it. Abuse will never be tolerated in the BDSM community no matter what the lifestyle. It is one of the few ways of being ostracized from the lifestyle. Consent and ability to withdrawl consent at any time (safe word- it is accepted practice to use a "safe word" in a BDSM scene. This may be a code word, or in some cases an action) clear and consise negotiations with matching expectations, openess about the relationship, deep concern for safety and health focus on sensations and feelings of the sub/slave emotional exchange after the session.

10.Be Responsible... Neither partner should indulge in drinking or drug taking as this can impair judgement resulting in serious accidents.

11.Be Discreet...Most of us have to live in the "real" world and our scene indentities may be something we must keep seperate from our professional identities. What we see and hear at leather organization meetings, or play parties should stay there. Don't take it on the street. We do not use last names to help protect the identity of those who perfer anonmity.Certainly some people exchange real names, but we urge all our attendees to keep that knowledge to themselves. Protecting others from harm we can cause by opening our mouths at the wrong time is simply the right thing to do anywhere.

12.Scenes and Space... Most SM clubs and private parties are composed of at least two spaces-one for eating and socializing and another for play. Make a note od which is which when you enter the space and try to respect these boundaries. There are reasons for them. Each scene also has a boundry. Be aware.Just as individuals need their "space," a scene needs it's space. Watching is a great way to learn and part of the excitment for many people who play in public, but give players the space they need to do their scene. If you get hit, it's your own fault. You just walked through a scene. Even if you don't accidentlly get hit, you may get a thwack from an angry Top whose scene you just invaded. And remember, a scene does not end just because the whip is put down, and the top begins to release the bottom from bondage. Give them time to unwind together, to cuddle or regain composure

13.Be Quiet... The main reasons that parties are usually divided into socializing space and play space is noise. Conversations are meant to be held in the socializing room-not in a loud voice 2 feet away from intense SM play. Someone may feel humiliated because you are laughing at her/him even if you are responding from a joke someone just told. or a sub may be deep into headspace and sailing through a difficult pain scene, but your obnoxious loud laughter and conversation may pull her/him out of it and into dangerous territory. If you must talk and greet others in the dungeon, do it quietly. Another problem can be the loud bottom-one who makes an inordinate amount of noise while playing.This can be very disconcerting to other players, not to mention the nosey neighbors. If you can't be reasonably quiet in a scene, let your partner know that. If you're the Top, bring a gag and use it if it becomes necessary.

14.You Have No right To Touch Without Permission-A scene most often consists of two players, though occasionally may involve multple people on both sides of the equation. those people are playing together because they chose to play with each other. You can watch, but do not dare to reach in and touch or join unless you have been asked by the Top in charge. Not only our bodies deserve the respect to be touched only with consent, but so too our belongings and clothes. If you touch my leathers while I'm wearing them, you are touching me as well. In legal terms, touching my jacket is as much a battery as slapping me in the face. The implements of SM are very personal. Never feel free to pick up someone else's toy to try it without permission.Most people will be gracious if asked.Give them the chance.

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