The things in italics are comments from me, and although I titled it "The Ultimate Secret," I never wrote far enough into the story to know *what* that secret was. The Ultimate Secret Chapter 1 It was Tuesday afternoon in Mrs. Bonn's math class. Everyone was eager for school to let out. It was the last month of school at P.S. 891. Summer vacation wasn't far away (That was redundant.) "This ditto (A "ditto"?! How dated is that?) will be homework due tomorrow," Mrs. Bonn announced to the class. "You have about twelve minutes to work on it before it is time to leave for today." She said as she passed out the papers. Amie saw Carmen and Rachel passing notes. "About boys no doubt." Amie thought carelessly (How does a person think "carelessly"?) as a paper landed on top of her desk. She put pencil to paper writing her name on the ditto. (Wow, I didn't do it well, but I think the idea of "putting pencil to paper" was a good idea for an eleven-year-old.) Amie worked sensibly (Sensibly? What in the world?) on her paper, finishing before the bell rang. Carly (Not to be confused with the note-passer, Carmen) joined Amie in the hall and together walked home. There (their) homes were right next to each other. A soon as Amie finished her remaining homework (Wait? Hadn't she finished it "before the bell rang"?)(,) she and Carly took a walk together. The two of the did this almost everyday now that it was warm outside. (Ah.) Carly and Amie chatted all the while they were walking until Carly looked at her watch. "We need to start heading back." "Okay," Amie replied (,) turning around around to go home. Quickly once they got home they changed into dance uniform--pink tights, black leotard, and skirt. Carlys' mom drove them to Sodio--Studio of Dance in Overton at exactly ten minutes to 6:00 PM. Their hour and twenty-five minutes (Why an hour twenty-five?) passed quickly. From the barre to streching to the floor exercises. Both returned to their home(s), ate bathed (Well, that's good.), and went to bed ready for another school day. Amie awoke to her little five-year-old brother bouncing on her bed to wake her (again, redundancy). Amie quickly rose (,) picking up the fighting little boy with his arms and legs sticking everywhere (everywhere? Wow, that's impressive.). "Oh, boy," Amie said. "I'm glad I can still pick you up Danny-boy." Amie shooed Danny out of her rom and got herself dressed. She emerged to the kitchen (emerged *to* the kitchen?) wearing a yellow jumper and shorts underneath. She had a pleasant day at school, having one test which Amie felt confident she did well on. - THE END of what I wrote - A few more notes: 1. Notice the mention to unnecesary detail: "exactly ten minutes to 6:00 PM" and "yellow jumper with shorts underneath." 2. The thing with the spelling "Amie" is because, when I was little, I preferred -ie endings on names to -y endings. So I used that logic to change Amy to Amie, I guess. *lol* 3. I also had a "thing" with best friends that were next door neighbors. It's a recurring theme in many of my "little kid" stories. 4. Nevertheless, as I was eleven when I wrote this, I think I tried quite hard and did a rather good job for that time. Yes, this is also © Elisabeth, 2005-2006 |
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© Elisabeth, 2003-2006
© Elisabeth, 2003-2006