ETERNAL OBITUARY
The name for this Page, "Eternal Obituary", represents buried feelings that have been opened up here to rest. The poems that have been dedicated for this page were written earlier in my life, and they do not show how I truly am now. Near the bottom of this page are links that I have hidden for the purpose of someone who wishes to find them. I hope you receive whatever you wish to draw from this page and not be fooled by some of its intention because there are valuable things that can be learned or avoided.
Written for the soul who has no rest and inspired by the moon's reflection.
I only recalled a memory. The memory that soon became a sudden shock to me, and it was through this essence of remembrance that it was so pleasant to be. I felt the feeling of further touch. How could I not miss the moment that meant so much? And yet that moment came back to me, only for a familiar memory.
I look back now with mind serene. The very second could not count on what I mean. The very guidance that I have brought was let alone and left untaught. And blinded by my innocence yet. I finally did forget.
No single hour had I ever forgotten. The very suffering I had brought in. I have no one to blame for I would be injust. I had done it myself, but others I still distrust. Fearful became my nature when I walked in the crowd. I see their eyes open wider and whispers become loud. But I drift on through even though the pressure is against me. Going through this world alone makes me feel empty.
So much to push me away and yet to push me on. Almost at a balance but somehow the neutrality is gone. It is fairly questionable my motives to continue. Just still my thoughts went on as the moment did subdue. The fear still stayed and quickly stuck by my side. Unlike me, the fear never did hide. Every doubt that I had became a part of me. Left open the wound in the heart that could not be free.
My very efforts in these few dying days had ceased to be in so many ways. The days, I, myself, felt that I had been dying left me without pain worth crying. I wandered on in this life without looking back, and the times became shorter for me then to attack. I wanted my freedom like I wanted my blood shown. Such an irony, yet something I had never known. The memory showed my resistance to let my heart be open. I knew it now as I knew it then.
Holding the edge against me relentlessly was the mystery of my eternity. Unable to find my innermost feelings when it came to the time of confiding. Instead, I just followed the path I once led, undeciding. I fell to my jealousy that stood right in front of me. Because of my inability to find that peace that made my stability. I made my way again into the world as I made this place my own. Even now that I had been through so much yet there was much more to face alone. And more alone I had become because I believed I did not need anyone. I passed by the simple materialistic pleasures because I did not see them as treasures. I wanted something greater beyond these small idols many have found in obsession. Why if we were to desire such small things could we not see the largest container for every possesion?
So uncomfortable was I in this world I could not obtain. How could I take something that I could not gain? Then in that minute I felt I had spoke too soon. For my desire was much higher when I saw the moon. But I knew the truth had been written just as far. To reach for mystery was just to gain a star. I could do nothing with the world if I knew not how it worked completely. And so many stars to take, but the feeling could never defeat me. I knew it now as I knew it were true. Even if I had the world to give, what would it mean to you?
As infinite is the quantity that I had once sought. I knew some things could not be controlled or even bought. And my face again lowered towards the dust. The very expansion of the universe made me this lust. But I do so love my each limitation. I now know the beauty was only the nature of creation. But, oh, beyond the world and the universe you see. This was all just a familiar memory.
Poems to Open Your Mind