diary4

Friday, November 30th, 2001
Dammit, right now I'm very sad. It's 5:00pm right now and "C" hasn't showed up! I wonder what could've happened?!? Did something happen to him? Did something last minute come up? He was supposed to show up at 4:00pm, I mean I could understand if he's late or something, but he hasn't called. He would've at least done that! I'm getting pretty worried... well I guess I'll write later...
OK... it's midnight right now! He never showed up... what's worse was that I had gotten a hold of a ride for the both of us. I wasn't able to show up on time like I had wanted to! See, dammit, I shouldn't have said a thing during the week so nothing would have gone wrong. For me, it's like this, whenever one thing goes wrong or whenever I have a bad feeling about something, everything and I mean everything starts to go wrong!!! My hair turned out to be a mess by the time I got to the dance. I was there for 2 hours instead of all 4! I danced with my friends instead of dancing with "C" and I cried before I went inside the "Friendship Auditorium" - the place the dance was held at!!! Well Anyway, I have to get going now... I'm really disappointed at the moment and I don't want to tire myself too much so that I won't concentrate on the SATs! We'll see what happens with the SATs. Alright then, peace out... (12:13am)

Saturday. December 8th, 2001
I guess I haven't been writing in a while huh? I guess I've been too busy with school and everything else. Well I guess I'm writing about today... I had a nice afternoon... I didn't expect to talk to Chris at all... Sure I mean we've been talking and everything but then again I can't just stop talking to him. Damn, if only he knew that I can't stay angry with him! He's a lucky punk, because I have to be so damn kind-hearted... Anyway, back to what I am supposed to be writing about. I spent a nice afternoon with Chris, even though he fell asleep at the park. We went to Elysian Park or somewhere around there... When we were walking there, it seemed like it was forever, I dunno maybe cause that's how comfy and safe I feel around him. Anyway, we went to an isolated part of the park where everyone can see the mountains and stuff. We were just talking about us, about life, about how everything sometimes connects and how some things feel so right. The nice part of the afternoon was when he fell asleep when we were lying on the grass in each other's arms. I didn't feel weirded out b/c I knew how tired he had been from studying and from working too much... He fell asleep for a good half hour or so, and he looked so peaceful. When he woke up, he woke up with a smile on his face b/c he said he'd never fallen asleep like that before and that it showed him, how safe he feels with me. I thought otherwise, but just the thought of being together was all that mattered to the both of us. Well, there was a breeze blowing by so I got a bit cold, and the sweetest thing he did, was hug me until I got warm... We left the park in each other's arms... and continued to do so until I had to go home... I thought it was a pretty interesting afternoon... =) I felt so special, but I can't continue to feel like that until I find a boyfriend ;) Regardless I enjoyed the afternoon like there was no tomorrow... I guess that's all I have to say b/c I'm about to go to sleep. buh bye!

Friday, December 14th, 2001
The Spirit of the Holidays always brings confusion
Yet, it is something perpetrated by mankind
It brings tears, sorrow, and joy
But is this all we ever need?
Materials are nothing but a waste of time
For all is consumed by money, time, and thought
Most people fall prey to this thing
This thing we call the 'holidays'
Is it not the one time we're supposed to get closer together?
Nah, not really because even that doesn not last
Last long enough not even for a second
But maybe lasts within the blink of an eye
That is, if we choose to remember
The only engravement I have of this
only lasts through the meaningful times
Which once held true
I have a vivid and great imagination
With which I remember one thing
So kind, but maybe not true.
We must all go back to the times we had,
Which was probably when I spent some time...
Some time with my family
Is that the one & only thing I have had?
I seem to think so
Because there is nothing left to believe
Except for our inner thought & inner soul
To find the truth about ourselves
And to find ourselves locked in our own reality
Not the ones imposed on us!

Wednesday, December 19th, 2001
"Shine"
Early mists of daylight break in
As do the shimmering drops of dew
The twilight of the morning ray
Lights up even the tiniest of spots
The morning break welcomes everything
Both old and new alike
It signifies the start of life
Yet it brings much pain to others
It is the light to the path
The path others have to take
The path chosen for us to follow
Yet isn't it just another given day?