Since I didn't expect anything from this camp at all, I am glad to say I'm really satisfied with what I've achieved these 5 days. I played basketball on 2 of the days, danced freely during the farewell party and made a few friends. I think.
[By the way, this is probably funny, but I just have to show off here. During the party, there was a competition for the best (self-choreographed) MTV and although I was actually reluctantly tricked into participating, my team won. There. I've actually got a prize for my dancing. This goes into my empty book of achievements. Hehe.]

Anyway, throughout the camp, I was just my normal self. Talking a little too much and too loudly sometimes. The group of people I spent OBS with turned out to be the people I hung around with at this camp too. It was nice, getting to know them even better, going beyond the superficiality of which-school-are-you-going-to and the-food/weather-is-so-lousy. We had the customary Truth Or Dare game and the talking-deep-into-the-night sessions. Friendship takes time, I guess. We're going out again the coming Friday, so I shall just wait and see how we "click" outside the constraints of the camp.

I was feeling just fine when I left the camp. In fact, I felt like I have achieved something. [Not the dance thing, you dumbo.] I felt like I have interacted successfully with those people. In fact, I even met this guy going to UIUC too and I think we click quite well too. I'm so happy about that.

When I got home, my mom opened the door for me. She chided me for not calling home all these days, half-jokingly. But I just felt this tremor in my heart. I felt like she missed me. And I missed her. I didn't realise it till then, but I missed her.

Then I found a birthday card for me. It was from this student reporter organisation that I joined about 4 years ago. I gradually drifted away from them over these years. I do not attend their outings anymore, I do not contribute any articles anymore, I thought they probably hate me by now. Yet, they sent me a birthday card. It was a simple card, not expensive I think. The message was simple: Happy birthday and we hope to see you more often. I felt so touched. And so guilty.

Then I realised how close my birthday is. It's 2 days from now. I also realised how low-profile an event it is. Not that I want a party, but I feel weird knowing that I am not feeling even slightly excited about it. Too many ordinary birthdays all these years probably caused me to finally lower my expectations to the minimum and belittle even my own birthday.

Already pretty dazed, I checked my email and found a lot of class mass mails. It's Tee Joo's housewarming party next Sunday and everyone is excited about it. But somehow, as I read through all their mails, I felt this sudden sense of detachment. I felt like I am no longer a part of them. They talked about how their new classmates are, the ECAs that they're gonna join, the upcoming hip and happening party. All of which has got nothing to do with me. It's a weird feeling. Abandoned.

Then I went up to my room, which I'm temporarily sharing with my elder brother. It a huge mess. His things were all over my table, his clothes on my bed. It looked like it was his room. I lost my room to my brother in 5 days. I couldn't take it anymore so I escaped out of the room and came back to the computer again.

So many things were going through my mind at the same time. And so my brain fused and shut down. I don't even know what it is I am feeling now. I don't even feel like talking about it. Argh.