230602, 1144hr, central time

my brother spoke of joining the military, and i told him to hold that thought, till he's gone through with his bmt - basic military training or something like that. mom and dad weren't home, they went back to malaysia to attend a distant relative's wake. so i just chatted with my little brother. or maybe he's really not that little anymore, he's definitely bigger than i am, and he's already 20. he just turned 20 a few days ago. wow. my little brother's 20.

i worry for my little bro a lot, maybe it's a natural sisterly instinct. when we were both young, he used to get into a lot of trouble with our parents, and he's the only one who gets hit. whenever my mom took the teng tiao - rattan cane - out of the closet, i would start crying. seldom is it meant for me, but i cry nonetheless, because i knew it'd hurt. when my brother became a teenager, decided that he didn't like studying, wilfully allowed his grades to deteriorate, and chose instead of hang out at the bowling alley with his friends, i tried to talk to him, to tutor him, and inspire him, but i failed miserably at that. i could only look on helplessly at him throwing his education out of the window.

and then after a while, things became better. somehow, my brother saw the light, and he decided to buck up. it was too late, to perform a miracle on his grades, his foundations have been too weak anyway. but we were all very proud of him when he made it to polytechnic, and we were especially proud when he gave our little cousins a private lecture of how important schooling is, and how children should not make their parents worry. i was so proud he could see that, and i'm glad he turned back.

and now, he's graduated from polytechnic, he's off to become a man in the military, and from what it seems he wants to stay in the military. my brother, a military man? i cannot imagine. his little cheeky face, spastic sense of humor, terrible pride and overwhelming optimism. i guess he will become a man someday, his optimism and love for life will bring him to places, even if not in the military. but to me he'll always just be a little boy. i have a picture of the two of us together, when we're both kids. to me he still looks exactly like that 6 year old kid. we don't take pictures together anymore, that's the only picture i have with me, and i miss him.

a tribute to my little brother, who's on his way to becoming a man.