220602, 2044hr, central time

mood swings are awful. warning: pessimistic depressing content ahead. i know i will be fine, i know. but right now i am not, i feel like crap and i need to do something better with my time than try to sleep my tears away.

sometimes i feel that maybe i'm too young to be such an old woman. inside, i mean. my brother will probably tell me to be grateful that anyone even likes me, that any romantic endeavour i experience right now is more of a blessing than a curse. well, i feel like it's a curse, a curse that finds me no matter which guy it is, i'm beginning to think it's my fault.

he's the last i expected to hurt me, i didn't think i could get hurt, but truth is, i have a gaping crack in my chest now, where the blood gushes. for the past week, i gallantly wiped up all the ugliness, carelessly stitched everything up, and i guess in the weekend when there's no class to attend, no pressing homework to do, and no new friends to kid around with, the stitches fall loose. i hate the weekend. i really hate it.

actually, i don't think i should say anything more. it's like the more i move, the more i try to touch, the more it hurts.

this is one of my favorite songs in the meteor garden soundtrack. [the CD is made up mostly of english songs, by the way, do not be deceived by the cheesy taiwanese drama packaging thing.] i wonder if i like it because i feel for it, or because it really is a good song. well, music has always been an emotional experience for me anyway, there's not difference between moving music and good music, is there?

Almost Over You - Sheena Easton I saw an old friend of ours today She asked about you I didn't quite know what to say Heard you've been making the rounds 'Round here While I've been trying to make tears disappear chorus: Now I'm almost over you I've almost shook these blues So when you come back around After painting the town, you'll see I'm almost over you You're such a sly, sly one with your cold, cold heart Maybe leaving came easy But it tore me apart Time heals all wounds, they say And I should know 'Cause it seems like forever But I'm letting you go *chorus* I can forgive you and soon I'll forget All those shattered dreams Although you've left me with nothing to show Full of misery *chorus* When you come back around After painting the town, you'll see I'm almost over you.....

i should be fine by tomorrow, this is just a sudden relapse. i need a doctor. it really hurts.