170202, 2118hr, central time.

people ask how my valentine's day went. well...it came and went. just like that. i don't think alvin even said the words "happy valentine's day." hahaha. yes, that's the kind of guy he is. the actual vday whizzed past me in a blur - i remember going for class and wondering who's going to receive that bouquet of flowers my male classmate was holding on to. i remember going for the national acrobats show at krannert, as a flashlight wielding usher supervisor. i remember coming home from the show extremely tired, but also extremely stressed up, that i've not finished my electromagnetics homework, and that i've not studied at all for the electronic circuits midterm the next day. i remember collapsing into alvin's bed, pleading for permission to go to sleep [don't ask why] and being angry briefly with him for chiding me. my anger lasted only as long as i stayed awake, which wasn't too long.

yeah, that's my vday story. the midterm the next day didn't go well at all. but heck, in view of the big picture, i don't care anymore.

on friday, alvin brought me out for dinner, but he forgot to make reservations, which pissed me off. i've just been a complete emotional wreck the past week, i got frustrated very easily. the only consolation came when alvin changed our destination to a japanese restaurant, commenting that it would be easier to get a table there, and that i prefer japanese food anyway. somehow, in a very strange way, like just a little spark of light in a flood of darkness, the fact that he remembered that i liked japanese food made me feel a lot better.

i think he's trying his best to be nice to me, he brought me to the campus bubble tea shop, where we had fun commenting on the chinese MTVs showing there. where we also came to the topic of how i'll never look like any of those chinese female singers. my new resolution is to lose at least 20lbs, i swear. but since i just ate so many chocolates, i think the resolution doesn't start till tomorrow. ahem.

no, he didn't buy me flowers, presents or anything like that. i don't think it's a big deal, though i shall admit it, i'm a little petty, i still wish he did give me flowers. haha. i'm a freaking hypocrite! but the fact remains, my boyfriend is a highly unromantic engineering workaholic. if i could turn him into the romantic ws, or the thoughtful edwin, would i? sigh. it's so mean of me to compare, but yes, i would. because i'm in so desperate need of some old-fashioned cliche doting. i know when my phase of depression passes, i'll be perfectly happy with alvin again. when the vday season passes and people stop looking so dreamy-eyed-ly happy, i'll feel like the luckiest woman on earth again. but right now, i wish we could spend the whole day together without a single mention of his lab reports.

i'm still waiting for the right now to pass.