200102, 1625hr, central time.

i spent the last 3 hours doing 3 problems on my circuits homework, and blardy hell, i'm still lost. i need help. quick. argh.

i don't feel lonely anymore though. i think i'm more or less getting into the "school mood". the combat mode. the knowledge-sucker state. i hope i can get to a stage where i'm too engrossed with the many things happening in my life, to actually notice that if i'm lonely or just alone. yes, it takes some effort to make that distinction, and i don't have the time to do it all the time. or today, at least. especially after i spent the last 2 days moping around about being lonely. dude! who's gonna do my homework for me!

last night, alvin and i went out for some sort of a triple date thing with our friends, who happen to be couples. it wasn't that bad really, considering the fact that i had steak [these days, red meat makes me feel nauseous, for some reason], that i'm not really close to one of the couples, and that i was still feeling grouchy. it turns out that some kind of social interaction was just what i needed. for that, i'm eternally grateful to jeff and debs, and josh and adeline. after dinner, they were going back to jeff's place, for some after dinner wine or something like that. but alvin wasn't in the mood for it, so we didn't join them. alvin was in the mood for grocery shopping though, so we went to the supermarket. i went ahead and bought all these indulgent food i normally wouldn't have bought - like yoghurt [actually not very indulgent, but i usually wouldn't buy it], bread mix, another huge bag of oranges [which is indulgent cos i still have another huge pack at home, only that pack is sour and i hate it], and a pack of american cheese [which i swore never to buy again after taking one whole semester to finish 12 slices.] i was almost going to buy some chips, some ice-cream, some cream cheese [to bake cheesecake with] and some instant dinner meals. but i stopped myself in time. and besides, alvin made fun of the food [don't ask me how]. so i couldn't. hahahhaa...

actually, a few days ago, i didn't have any real reason for being grouchy. all the things i talked about in the last couple of entries were important, and disturbing. but they're not the reasons. today [actually yesterday too] i found out real upsetting news. and strangely enough, i don't feel all that upset. i feel motivated instead to not whine about anything. strange, i am. i know.