210102, 0110hr, central time.

i have to rave about this, before i sleep. i just watched kate and leopold, despite my intense misgivings about it before this. priya said it was good. someone else said it was good. lynn heard it was good too. so i thought, ok heck it, let's just watch it.

it's actually pretty cool. maybe i'm in that hormonal emotional state right now [yesterday i told alvin that i really missed him. though i last saw him just 2 hours before, or something like that. hahaha. ] but i felt really attracted to the romance in the show, and i was just swooning my whole way through.

there's an interesting concept there about the time fabric too. seeing how i'm a astrophysics geek who's kinda interested in the possibility of time travel, it was very intriguing to me. the stuart character [who found a portal for time travel and was treated like he was crazy]said, "it's kinda like a dog seeing a rainbow. dogs are color blind. they can't see the rainbows the way we do. just like us - we can't see time, it's like we're on this fast supersonic train, and time just passes by. yes, we feel it, but we can't see it. but if only. if only we can stop, get off the train, and take a look around. how beautiful would that be. and really, that's all i did - i was the dog that saw the rainbow. and the other dogs wouldn't believe me." very interesting.

then of course there's the very charming hugh jackman, as leopold. omigod. absolutely charming. proper, eloquent, intelligent, generous, thoughtful, sensitive, handsome, tall, blah blah blah. everything you'd ever want in a man. he even speaks french. i wonder if he can sing. hahaha....i know of course such a man cannot possibly exist in this world today. not in my world anyway, i'm not that lucky. meg ryan was a little irritating as kate, but just a little. i don't think i'll ever be able to say i hate meg ryan. there's the whacko brother who's trying to be an actor. the secretary who cried reading a romance novel. stuart the crazy scientist ex-boyfriend. the man across the street who always listened to the soundtrack of breakfast at tiffany's till 12 midnight sharp. characters like that, very intriguing.

the most intriguing part is of course the idea of fate again. of romance. kate says, "maybe romance is really an adult version of santa claus." something fantastic to believe in, but a complete lie, basically. i don't really want to give the ending away, but there's a connotation, just as all romantic dramas do, that the pair is just meant to be together. by some weird reason, cosmic forces at work or whatever, they are just meant to be.

and i do want to believe in that too. but i'm also like kate, i think it's really something that we want to believe in. to justify the intensity of our love for whoever it is we love. to justify breaking up with whoever we don't love. to justify why we're alone, and so lonely - i've not met the one for me yet. [santa claus' sled got stuck up on the chimney!] it's all very strange, that though i'm so cynical myself, i'm so strongly attracted to the idea of "if only". somewhere deep down inside of me, i'm still wondering if maybe i will feel like i got hit by lightning, and from then on just know who i am meant to be with. forever.

at the beginning of the show, leopold asks his uncle, who's pressuring him to choose a wife, "how can i promise marriage, to be based in love in eternity, if i could not and have not felt it even momentarily." bish. completely what i was saying. how should i know what love is, and what it means to love someone forever, if i cannot hold on to that feeling for even a moment. it's all very peculiar to me, it still is. i'm so jealous of the people who seem to be in the know, who seem to have grasped the meaning of love, and what it feels like. how do you know? or no, no. don't bother explaining it to me, i won't understand it anyway.

i want romance, i think it's absolutely wonderful to sit out at night, in our pjs, and just talk. fall asleep in his arms and have him carry me into my bedroom. have him tuck me in. have him make breakfast - toast with strawberry slices. have him hold my hand while telling me of his life stories. of course, these are not recipes for romance, i've come to realise that a long time ago. but still. swoon swoon swoon. if only.

movies are still movies, of course. time portal - right. charming perfect gentleman - right. perfect meg ryan type romance - right. but sometimes, it's still good to suspend cynicism for a couple of hours, and let oneself swoon away. i think i'll have a good dream tonight.