251101, 1313hr, illinois time.

i am an absolute moron.

my darling sweater...it's gone! gone! gone! unless i slim myself to the size of an infant, the sweater is useless now. arrggghh....i'm such a moron. y'know, cindy, there's a reason the washing instructions says "dry clean only". if only i saw it before dumping it into the dryer. if only i didn't pay $40 for it. if only i didn't like the sweater so blardy much. arrggghh...i'm a moron.

obviously i'm not exactly having a good laundry day here.

though the day started out pretty ok, i guess. i dragged my butt out of bed at 8 this morning to call home. my parents just got back from genting, i asked them how they did at the casino. [or rather, how my dad did.] my dad said, "just training my mind lah. no big deal." my mom said, "returned some income tax to malaysia." basically means he didn't win, of course. haha. as euphemistic as my dad saying, "are you as chubby as before?"

mom told me more about what's been happening to my cousins. one got all prep-ed up and trained to become a stewardess for SIA before getting retrenched. another got admitted to university from her polytechnic, and now my aunt's pressuring her to dump her polytechnic-now-serving-ns boyfriend because he's not good enough for her anymore. not to mention the much older cousin who's perhaps getting a divorce from her low-self-esteem husband. all the juicy dirty family stuff.

mom also told me why my brother thought so lowly of my marriage prospects, when i told her how he reacted to news of my relationship with alvin. from kor's male chauvinistic point of view, i'm not physically attractive, though i do have maybe just a little inner beauty that might attract some guys. [as any blind person can see, my brother isn't much of an admirer of my qualities.] however, he says, singaporean guys are typically shallow and will not see beyond my physical shortcomings to discover that little bit of inner beauty. from his point of view, since guys cannot even perceive pursuing a romantic relationship with me [since they're not attracted to me], all the more impossible anyone would want to spend the rest of his life with me.

yups, that's my brother for you. ever so encouraging. i guess now that alvin's in the picture he can stop worrying about guys being all too superficial to like his kid sister. even if most guys are as superficial and chauvinistic as he is, all i need is one exception. humph. thank god for alvin, at least now my brother can shut his gap. grrr.

of course, my brother isn't as mean as he sounds there. he also pointed out other factors working against me, such as my intimidating background of academic excellence, scholarship, GEP and all. my relatively well-to-do family background. my relatively small and exclusive social circle and therefore my minimal interaction with the opposite sex. but mostly, i know he's thinking about my physical unattractiveness.

damn it, it's not like he's really all that gorgeous anyway, i was told i look like him. heh. though of course, guys don't have to look good, after all, they just need to know how to earn big bucks, he would say. argh.

i wasn't really that upset with what my brother said, because i always knew he felt that way anyway. personally, i know too i'm not exactly the hottest babe in town, and i tend to play the prospective wife role better than the girlfriend-lover role. however. however. however. my brother is just such a chauvinistic idiot, i say, so typical of him to perceive attraction arising solely from physical beauty.

i'm obviously in a very bitchy mood right now. really, it doesn't feel good to be put down by a person i love. sniff.

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