091001, 0146hr, illinois time.

writing now at 2am really doesn't mean that i'm sleeping earlier tonight. instead, it's highly likely i won't be getting any sleep tonight, so i thought i'd better write what i want to write first, before i get back to my work.

yes, brilliant news today, for the 2 midterms [japanese and international relations] i did last week, i got them back this week. they're both the ones i wasn't really that worried about, but it's still such a pleasant surprise to see i did better than what i expected. unfortunately, the communications midterm i think i screwed up, i'll be getting the results tomorrow, basically hoping for a miracle. and the course drop deadline is this friday. i'll have to think about whether i want to drop the class or not. i wish psc would hurry up and get back to me if they approve my exchange program or not. cos frankly, if i don't go to japan, i have plenty of time, there's no point in me killing myself this semester like this.

but i was thinking, if i can pull off my political theory midterm tomorrow successfully, if i can get an A for this class, it's not a big deal for me to stick with communications despite horrendous results, cos my overall GPA would still be ok. but heck, political theory is tough. really tough. going to puke from an overdose of information...on one hand, it's dependent on analytical skills, like my international relations class, which i think i'm quite competently equipped with; but on the other hand, it also requires philosophical evaluations that i'm just so blardy bad at. i think machiavelli is a cool dude, i think of our darling lee kuan yew at home when i read The Prince, but heck, ask me to compare his arguments with plato, i'll take a century before i come up with something vaguely substantial, i swear. thank god this is the only midterm for this course, the rest of the grade is dependent on class participation - which i can do, i can bullshit when i want to - and 2 essays, which i can also do, given enough time to prepare. so please please please don't let me screw up tomorrow. actually, even without screwing up tomorrow, it'll still be a long way away from getting an A in this class. the 2 essays would be tough, i heard few people score As in this class, i wonder if i can be one of those lucky smarty ones. hmm.

it's fairly obvious i'm in a much better mood today. maybe because of my midterm results. maybe because i managed to save a couple of bucks on lunch cos my friend treated me to lunch in the dorm [it ain't good food, but i'm not a fussy eater.] there can be so many so many reasons. but one thing i've learnt is, sometimes it's easier to just feel whatever you feel, without thinking about it. most of the time, thinking and feeling, are really 2 separate processes that are meant to stay separated. note to self, don't feel too much when time comes to think. don't think too much when time comes to feel. it makes life so much easier. today isn't a bad day. gotta grab on to the feeling, in case it's gone tomorrow.