041001, 0425hr, illinois time.

ok, now, logical question - why am i still awake at 4.30am? because i had 3 cups of coffee, that's why! argh. i really had a lot of work to do, so i was drowning my sorrows with coffee. but now, i cannot concentrate anymore [kenneth waltz is a really confusing writer, not reader friendly at all] but i can't sleep either. sigh. i have a 9am class tomorrow. shit.

i am still pretty stressed up, i would say. let's make a list of things bothering me now:

• i want to email darling my friends, far away. like wallace, poachie, agnes. but their emails have to wait, because whatever i want to say wouldn't be short, and i don't have time for long emails right now, because this week work takes higher priority. [don't ask me why then i have time to type out journal entries everyday.]
• i'm still waiting for psc's reply to whether my exchange program to japan can be approved. there's not even been a hint of any consideration process going on, not a simple reply to even acknowledge having received my request. so irritating.
• my bank balance isn't looking too good. taking into consideration the anticipated potential costs of my mt rushmore thanksgiving trip and florida winter trip, and that whatever i have has to last till february next year. where did my money go?
• i am homesick. i called home that day to wish my mom happy birthday, but she wasn't in. it bugs me, that i didn't manage to wake up early enough to call again since then, like i'm such a lazy bum. and it also bugs me that my dad and my bro didn't celebrate it for her.
• i have 3 midterms and 1 quiz within the next 7 days.
• E isn't doing too well over at his side either. i feel concerned, but want to refrain from showing too much concern. yet, i feel bothered that i should need to refrain myself.
• i don't know why i feel cold all the time.
• there's a mouse in the house, and i'm very freaked out. already thrown out 2 boxes of my crackers and cereals, for suspicion of being contaminated. it's also getting bolder, ran right past my feet today, i screamed so loudly someone thought i fell down or something, and came running down the stairs to my rescue. i have more interesting stories to tell about my adventures with this mouse, if only i could see the humour in my terror.

hmm. it turns out my studies take up just a small part of my worries huh. though i guess it's easier to whine about the exams i have, than anything else. because money isn't something worthy of discussion - it's only a matter of whether i have it or not; being homesick is more personal than not - hard to put into words; and people just stare at me with disbelief when i say i'm cold. especially because nobody really understands why i'm so jumpy with the mouse around - they just find it funny. and because i'm sure people are already sick of me talking about E.

besides, it feels better to believe that everything will be alright again once my exams are over. it's more tangible and manageable that way.