130901, 2155hr, illinois time.

bingying very nicely emailed me to ask if i was ok. that silly girl doesn't know how far illinois is from new york, washington dc or pennsylvania. i felt so touched. i actually called E too, just to make sure he's ok. i mean, i know that he'll be fine, since he's not in new york city either, but i just felt like this was a good time to reach out to people i treasure, and let it be known that life is too fragile to be dominated by trivial quarrels and spiteful words.

so yeah, at least this is a personal lesson i've learnt from this. that life is short. at least make it a happy one.

i've seen some really strong reactions to this tragedy, and some completely nonchalant ones as well. and either way, it's just very irritating for me. on one hand, the people who overreact tend to be the americans [quite understandably] who seem to think that bombing afghanistan will solve all the problems, and make everyone feel much better. i think that's too irrational, and almost too immature. perhaps eventually, an attack on afghanistan would be inevitable, but the concept of having more innocent people to die, to compensate for the americans who died just doesn't make sense to me. a lot of things don't make sense to me anymore.

on the other end of the spectrum, people who don't seem to care at all also piss me off. because the magnitude of the disaster just doesn't allow any human being to remain completely apathetic. the significance of the event on american foreign politics would probably elude the people who have not been following international news, but it still reflects a certain narrow mindset to have people say, "it's got nothing to do with us." it pisses me off. wallace told me that he feels desensitized, cos whatever he says or feels will not change anything anyway, then why bother. i think it's just sad, to think that he has become so passive, and politically apathetic. is this the same for most singaporeans? i never realised how serious this problem of narrow-minded-ness is, until i hear words like these myself. and i shudder to wonder if i had remained in singapore, would i have also said these same words? would i also continue to be an inactive citizen who cannot be bothered with the external world anymore?

plus all my classes these days, in international relations and political theories, i have become a little overwhelmed by all the information. i have a lot of ideas in my head, i would even say i'm a little confused. but it's still good that at least i'm thinking. i'm thinking about the things that happened, and i'm thinking why they happened and what i can do or should do. i'm trying to imagine what i would do if i represent the american government. imagine if i were the terrorist, what would have pushed me to do this.

and i think, i'm going crazy soon. but still, that's better than just thinking about the people who have died. or people still trapped somewhere and slowly dying away. or people who lost their loved ones 'poof' just like that. my heart is breaking. sigh.