090901, 2255hr, illinois time.

some miscellaneous news:
i went for the tryouts for the badminton club here. which by the way trains competitively. frankly i think i have no chance of getting in. erm. see that girl in the grey shirt? she won the university championship. that freshman in white shirt, she's the state champion. erm erm erm. so, cindy, what teams have you played for? eeeeekk. sheesh. but i had a good time, just playing with people who plays just as well, if not better than me. it was worth it, 2 hours of humiliating myself on the courts, getting trashed by badminton masters! hahaha...

it's been so long since i last played my full strength! it somehow feels different playing with friends, i'll feel bad giving them difficult shots. i don't really want to win my friends, cos there's no point. but this time, cos i was playing with a guy who was so darn good and we're both aiming for the tight 10-12 spots available, i really put in my best, to try to fight him. obviously not with hard tactics like long strokes, but using more trickery. ah, it feels good. to be able to employ my competitive tactics, revitalised my killer instinct. though obviously i still eventually lost, but it was worth it. to just know that at least i could still put up a fight. [whether it was a good fight is up to for debate...]

since the last time i swam and got interrupted by an cheekopek uncle who tried to hit on me, i've not exercised. so imagine how tired i got today, playing intensive badminton. feeling blood rush to my face when i finally could take a break after a mere 30 minutes. feeling my chest, arms and legs actually aching right now. it is painful, but you know how good it feels? aching muscles. like my body is real. and i'm physically alive and kicking, a sense of existence that's so much more tangible and comforting. a good rubbing down would feel so darn good now, but heck, maybe i should sort of bask in this physical fatigue for a while. i'll probably change my mind later when i start cramping up in the middle of the night. haha.

* * *

i had this very weird, and rather sad dream last night. at one point, i was having my examinations, i took classes like economics, russian, japanese and mathematics or something technical like that. i was a super duper slacker, i didn't study at all. somehow, i was kept in this very sophisticated looking building, and i kept on running away from the administrators, cos i knew that they were going to punish me. i had this accomplice with me, this guy who also hated studying.

it seemed that i was being groomed by the state to become some sort of agent, and i was letting everyone down. then i witnessed my dad murdered, dropped from the highest level of the building. i was completely devastated, because it was a very bloody scene. i got only this far to where he was. i still remember it now. shit. anyway, so after that, i very quickly bucked up, and become this top student or something. my friend started to despise me, for sort of betraying him. before i left the building [which looks sort of suspiciously like the MITA building i worked at, now that i think of it. except the whole dream was grey, so it wasn't as colorful and cheery like MITA.] he threw me a disgusted look, because i completely lost my identity. i started to scold him for giving up on himself and not working hard, and he threw this back at me, "or did you give up?" as i walked out of the building, i was crying. i don't remember if i was crying about losing myself, or for losing him.

weird.

* * *

i finally cleared my email debt. again. i realise i'm getting terrible with emails. sort of an escapist response to E's emails, i subconsciously decided not to reply all emails. haha. but today, after emailing my close friends, complaining about E of course, i felt so much better. cos i also told them about my progress in my classes. about good things that happened to me. about the niceness that surrounds me almost all the time. about all other aspects of my life being so blessed. now i feel stronger. yeah! *flex muscle*

i think that muscle flex just over stretched one of my biceps. haha. time for bed....