060901, 1525hr, illinois time.

let's talk about the good news first. it seems like so much has happened, within a day of not updating this.

yes, i'm finally registered for my japanese class! i wasn't officially registered, cos they were suspicious of my senior standing, there was a bar on seniors registering for japanese classes. apparently, these classes are so popular, they'd rather let the younger students take them, than the seniors, who would grauduate in a year anyway. they wouldn't believe me when i told them i was going to stay here for 2 more years. but anyhow, i persisted, went for class regularly, did well for all my quizes, and finally i received approval from the course director to register for the class. so i'm finally in. phew.

my sensei complimented my pronounciations today. so that was cool too. apparently i can ask you about your school, major and year in school and hometown quite well.

the other good news is, i'm feeling much better now. i finally replied to that email, redeemed some sort of normality to my life. the ball is in E's court now. whether he accepts my email, replies with something more offensive or what, it's really up to him. at least now i'm ready for whatever he wants to say. will not be caught off guard the way i was.

i don't understand guys, really i don't. how can someone so sweet and sensitive before, be so cruel and inconsiderate now. or am i really a whiny brat? sigh. i wish he could remain a good friend, i really thought it might be possible, since our relationship didn't really take off, or get that far anyway. but this is too much. rationally speaking, i think i have a right to not even reply that email. i'm glad i did though, it makes me feel a lot better. he wanted answers, i gave him the answers. maybe some of them are not what he wanted, but i think he should have expected them anyway. if he knows me as well as he claims he does, that is.

thanks for your kind words, joen, kenny, addy, and everyone else who emailed me. you know who you are. that really gave me a lot of comfort and support. it really helped.

here comes the bad news, by the way. i think i cannot hold out on my vegetarian diet for too long a duration. i tried to donate blood yesterday, and i was told that i'm nutritionally [is this the right word??] anemic. i think i was already borderline anemic before this, and now that all meat is cut out of my diet, the nurse actually advised me to see a doctor or take iron supplements myself. eek. so gross, have you seen those iron supplements? they're black and disgusting looking, and cause constipation. so no way i'm going to swallow those. looks like i'm not destined to be a vegetarian after all. but heck, i'm gonna hold out till the end of the month, as planned. i'm sure my blood iron content will go back to normal after that when i start eating meat again. in the mean time, i'll just have to deal with the occassional dizziness, headaches [does anemia cause that?] and general weakness then.

i have a mental block today, writing this entry. sort of wondering how i can move on to sound all cheery and okay, when i'm still more or less disturbed by the haunting ex saga. after i sent out the email yesterday afternoon, i instantly felt more relieved. i was quite determined to improve my mood, i dressed nicer than usual, i cracked jokes, i was told that squeezing a smile on the face will lead to a real smile eventually, so i really tried to appear happy. but later that night, lynn still commented that i still looked sad. sigh.

but i still feel quite blessed, my world didn't completely crumble into chaos. i'm glad alvin takes the same communications class with me. despite my efforts to concentrate on my homework, the email disrupted my working schedule so badly, without his help, i wouldn't have been able to hand in my homework today. oh, and shaun advised me, rather systematically, on how to reply the email, and explained to me why guys are such jerks. thank god for friends. they're worth so much more than one single guy. even that one single cute guy.

i feel my sense of humour coming back, which is always good. time goes on, i'm still who i am, despite whatever his intentions are, his email disturbed me, but didn't change my mind. i should stop moping around, thinking in circles about everything, doubting my decision and judgement, and just get on with my life. that's what i need to do.

think i should cook myself a nice vegetarian feast tonight.