| 0915hr
Feeling... sick Eating: Filet O Fish Reading: nothing. brain dead. Surfing: LGBT resources sites Listening: [computer] Faith Yang Nai Wen's Ying Gai [discman] Alex To - I Believe Happiness of the day: been helping this colleague with his paper on online polling, and now it's finally done. thank god. Event of the week: going malacca tonight. i am a very asymmetrical person, i think. my face is definitely asymmetrical, partly because of the little scars i have, on my right cheek, and around both my eyes. my left face is also slightly rounder than my right. but the complexion on my left face is also better. hmm. my body is asymmetrical...i'm more flexible when i bend to my left, than to my right. when i wear skirts, it always turns around the same direction, same degree. when i wear a cardigan, it's always not centralised. when i wear tank tops, a straight neckline will always look crooked. some people say that the left and right sides of a person corresponds to the perceived self and the projected self, respectively. what does this say about me? hmm. i know what kind of person i want to be. i know how i appear to be like to different people. but i also know that my actual intrinsic personality is not exactly any of those. so see, there's 3 cindy's: the "people's cindy", the "cindy's cindy" and the "angel cindy". hahaha...i don't literally mean i want to be angelic, of course. "angel cindy" is the ideal cindy that i want to be. the person i want to become in the future. having suffered insults from both my ex and my present guy in the past week, i have a feeling now of not knowing who i am anymore. what if they are right? the "cindy's cindy" is too easily affected by external opinion, which is dangerous, because what they are criticising is essentially the "people's cindy", i shouldn't take it too personally. i don't want to think about my self-esteem again, i've had enough of that crap. i don't have an identity problem, i should know myself better than they do. it just hurts, that's all. but i forgive them. even if they meant to hurt me. | |