| 2250h
Feeling... relieved Happiness of the day: finished my freaking exams! Event of the week: flight home on 13th May I can't believe my exams are over now. Rather unbelievable, really. This time, it's not like the last few semesters, when my finals week was packed with action, and time really flew by like nothing. This time, I had holy 5 days to prepare for one paper, though I died for the 1st two last weekend. These 5 days, it was like I was on a luxurious study holiday. I took time to play the piano, baked all sort of stuff, cooked dinner for my housemates who looked stressed up, made post-exam plans. Except it really didn't feel like the exams could ever be over, so I didn't feel like my plans could be realised. Time crawled, oh so slowly. And now, yes. exams are finally over. I can start doing all those things I've planned to do. Clean my room. Pack. Laundry. Email. Make my mom's mother's day present. Clean the kitchen. Finish my books. Scout for html tricks for my new design. Pick up the japanese stuff again. Finish the script. Argh! So many things to do! And theoretically, I only have 2 days, since I'm going to Indianapolis on Saturday, and flying off on Sunday. Hmm. Just a teeny weeny little bit ambitious, I guess. During these 5 days, while procrastinating from studying, I found so many new singaporean websites. I also went back to websites that I've abandoned for some time. The singaporean websites make me happy, really. Most of them are beautiful, which makes me so ashamed of my own. Most of the webmasters are girls, and at least 2 years younger than me. They talk about their job internship now, about their A levels results or O levels, about their boyfriends, parents, friendship, things I was concerned about 2 years ago too. Not that I'm not concerned about those things now, but it just feels funny, reading about what they're saying now, and being able to find a parallel in what I said in my journal when I was just as old. I wonder if they'll be whining and moaning and getting upset about the same things as I am now when they finally get to my age. Hahaha..... On the other hand, I also went back to reread some of the journals that I started out reading when I first became a online journal-er. Interestingly, those were the sadder-sounding journals. There was Olivia, the Asian-American girl who had some serious issues with her family. Michael, also Asian-American, whose life was defined by the love he had or didn't not have in his life, swinging in and out of depression. Julia, caucasian girl, who I realise now is actually probably either aneroxic or bulimic, serious issues with self-image. They write really well, especially Michael, I still can't believe the way he writes. Their words touch me, and sometimes even make my heart ache for them, my eyes tear for them. Now that I read these journals again, I realise these journals moulded my style here, like there're some similarities. The drama, the ability to over-analyse everything....I connected with them, and till now, I still feel their influence, in the way I write. I don't know which one came first - using of this journal as an expression of my innermost unhappiness because I saw them do it? Or feeling a stronger sense of isolation and sadness [or exhilaration once in a while] because I write about it here. I'm not sure if anyone understand what I'm saying here. heck, am I talking in circles? Hmm. Anyhow, I'm going to read the singaporeans girls' journal/blogs more, they're more cheery - maybe if I read more of such sunshine-tinged journals, I'll feel more upbeat and less whiny and pessimistic myself. But I'll never remove the bookmark to Olivia/Michael/Julia's pages either. Though Michael's not written for almost a year now. Julia's abandoned her site too. Olivia still updates but very irregularly. I care for these people, still waiting for them to come back on and tell me they're fine. Silly me, isn't it? Oh well...I have no idea how I ended up talking about these journals. I have lots of things to do! First, a shower.....to cleanse myself of studying, for the next 3 months at least.....hehehe... | |