| 0200h [090501]
Feeling... not sleepy. Happiness of the day: cooked a good dinner. Event of the week: flight home on 13th May I don't know why I'm not sleeping yet. Maybe because I still have too much to study for tomorrow's exam. Maybe because Li is now sleeping on my bed and I don't exactly feel tempted to crimping up my neck sleeping on my desk. Maybe because I drank too much tea. [caffeine, caffeine!] Whatever it is, I'm not sleeping, and actually not sleepy. Hmm. it's been confirmed. The box containing Jun's stuff got thrown out. I feel like such an irresponsible idiot. blardy hell. And it's going to cost so much for me to replace everything for him, but I owe it to him, I know it. Sigh, what a shitty thing to happen, but I shall let it pass. I don't think he's gonna have time to check his mail, until I fly off anyway, so he's not going to be able to send me an angry email until I send him a very apologetic voice mail when I reach singapore. I'll have to try to pacify him before he has a chance to get too pissed, I guess. Actually, I shouldn't worry too much about him being angry, I just wish I didn't disappoint. I know he's waited so long for his things. sigh. Li just left my room. I have my bed back again! But I still don't feel like sleeping. Somehow. I have music blasting right now, some J-pop. Girls singing/shouting some stuff I don't understand. My room is a mess right now, I hate it looking like a disaster zone like that, but I know I'll turn a blind eye to it, just like the way I do to many things. Intense self-disgust. I'm sickened by my weakness. disgusted by how I let things happen. How I even somehow lead things to happen the way I know is wrong. How I don't have the strength to do the right things. How I don't slap myself awake. How silly I am. How irritating I can be even to myself. Not at my most egotistic moment right now, obviously. The J-pop is getting on my nerves. I am a fool. | |