| 2310h
Feeling... disappointed Happiness of the day: Called home this morning, and my dad finally admited to missing me. Muahaha... Event of the week: flight home on 13th May I am very upset. I got a B for my mechanics class. I missed the A by half a point. I'm so angry with myself. shit. I guess I don't deserve to be upset since I knowingly allowed myself to go to sleep and not study. One hour of studying really shouldn't be the standard. But this still pisses me off. I'm angry with myself. I wish I didn't check my results, because until I checked, the day was great. I baked brownies today. Brownies with cheesecake swirl topping. My blueberry pie yesterday was rather well received, except there was one guy who doesn't like blueberry. The brownie today was not too bad, cos hey, chocolatey brownie with cheesecake? Best of both worlds. I didn't get much studying done, partly because it was raining in the afternoon, and I fell asleep in my bed. Did I mention how my room is really cool? It was so cosy, cuddling up in my bed with my many pillows. I didn't dream of anything last night [nope, no european guys, no karaoke] but I did have a rather chinese-y dream during my afternoon nap. I dreamt that I became a teacher, at my old primary school. For some reason, my mom was teaching there too, but she was the experienced grouchy disciplinary mistress, while I was the fresh-faced bully-able new teacher. The students all liked me, but the teachers hated me. I think they didn't like me being younger, and more popular with the kids. I think I was teaching chemistry though, which is weird, since we don't have chemistry in primary school. And then suddenly, somehow I was on the "bridge" that we had at my secondary school, and I was surrounded by my relatives and family friends. Understand that quite a big number of my relatives are teachers by profession too. One family friend, actually my mom's friend asked me if I was happy. I was shocked to hear her ask, since it never occured to me wonder. Of course I'm happy, I love the kids, I love teaching, I said. She had this smile on her face, and she asked again: Are you happy? And I didn't know what to answer her anymore, and the crowd was just pressing in, pushing me to the side of the "bridge" and I felt almost tempted to jump off. And then I realised that my boyfriend was waiting for me. Yeah, I had a boyfriend in this dream, and he turned out to be this guy I used to have a crush on. The smallest crush ever, so now that I think of it, why him? Hmm. With his goofy cheery smile, he swept me away from that crowd of well-meaning but pressurising relatives and friends. And we practically ran away. I was somehow very insecure about him, so I asked him why he was with me. There was some side episode about my mom not liking him. [My mom in this dream is really fierce, strict and perpetually tired, which was how she was like during the days when she was commuting to Malaysia everyday.] My mom didn't like me going out with some guy who seemed so nonchalant about things, so careless. But then my boyfriend managed to turn her around by arguing with her in Chinese. Haha..this is funny, I guess, now that I think of it. Him arguing with my mom in Chinese, declaring his love for me, all in Chinese. This part of the dream probably has got something to do with my mom telling me not to get an angmoh boyfriend who doesn't speak Chinese. So anyway, because my boyfriend went to so much trouble to be with me, I felt so immensely touched. But on the other hand, I felt very scared of losing him, scared that he wasn't real. Which is of course a very funny and ironic fear to have in a dream. He was so tall, I practically had to tilt my head up to look at him, when he carressed my hair, and told me that we're together because I chose him and he chose me. Now that I think of this, this is a meaningless answer, but somehow, in the dream, I was satisfied with it. The rest of the dream, I was just switching from teaching chemistry [and at some points, chinese] and romancing with my boyfriend. The funny thing is, he was speaking chinese to me the whole time. I don't really remember ever being so conscious about the medium of language in my dreams before, but this one, I just know that he was speaking chinese. Weird. Finally the dream became so draggy, I know I had to wake up. By then I could smell the dinner that my housemates were cooking, and I suddenly realisd that it was already dinner time, which means I slept through my alarm clock again and didn't wake up to study. Damn it. Speaking of which, I'd better get back to studying now too. B in mechanics. blardy hell. I can't let that happen again. Sigh. | |