| 1350h
Mood: ill Happiness of the day: actually stayed awake for all my classes today Event of the week: dinner at Biaggi's tonight. Hahaha...I typed in the file name wrongly just now, and I opened my journal entry exactly 100 entries ago. It was titled "Charming Men" and basically talked about if I like sportsmen or musicians better. Man, it brought back such wonderful memories...discussing this with Poach and Ming, during our Spain trip. Not to mention the a capella performance I watched with Poach which sparked off that entry. I find it exceptionally funny that theoretically speaking, he is neither a sportsmen nor a musician. Hahahaa.... I feel so much better today. Probably because of the weather - it's still a little too cold, but at least it's sunny. I like the feeling of sun on my face...the feeling of being able to feel. It's already Friday, and that always makes me happy. I think I should be out there, on the porch, taking in the sun while it's out. But I'm really tired right now. My headache from yesterday still haunting me, my problems, my friends' problems still in my mind.... I think I'm going to PMS soon. I can just feel it...I can feel sadness and irritability just swelling up. I don't remember why I was so happy for the past 2 weeks anymore. I remember feeling quite light-hearted, but I don't remember why anymore. I feel like I abandoned my friends when I was in a good mood...things were going well for me, and I think I conveniently forgot about my friends. Some people complained about the lack of emails. I didn't make myself available when someone needed to talk. I ran away when I sensed that people were upset. At that time, I felt that I was making things easier for everyone, since I didn't want my euphoric existence to make things worse by contrasting my friends' sadness. I feel horrible now...because now, as I feel down, I realised that those friends came immediately to me. I was a selfish bitch. Not exactly the best way to feel, since I already concluded yesterday that I was a fool. HAha..so I'm a selfish bitchy fool. Wow, revelation of the day. But I'll be fine. It's a beautiful day today. I just need to get out into the sun, take in some positive energy, I'll be fine. You know what I should learn to do? I should learn to just feel happy being alive. I'm sure there're people out there who are just happy being alive - people who've had a close call, I'm sure they feel so much better about life, and be able to remain nonchalant about whatever crap that happens. I need to learn to feel that way about myself...then nothing else matters. No matter what happens, as long as I can still feel, I will be feeling happy. And thankful. Wouldn't that be so wonderful then? No more whining about stupid things, no more crying. I'll be the happiest person on earth. OK, I should make a list of things I am thankful for:
Yups, there's plenty for me to be thankful for. I just need to carry this list with me, wherever I go. I will be happy all the time. I should be, anyway. | |