| 0120h (030401)
Mood: a little introspective Happiness of the day: I baked a cake for shaun last night, and finally delivered it to him today. It's for his birthday [about 2 months ago]. Haha... Event of the week: SSA AGM this coming saturday.
My astrology chart for this month is great. It says that I will be having some career-related advancements, which I am expecting, perhaps as a form of approval for my courses, or as a form of my attachment assignment for this summer. Romantically, it is really stable, which I guess is a good thing, though I'm romantically inactive right now. [What a euphemism! So proud of myself...] It's amazing how accurate these charts are. I guess I don't really keep track of things right down to the dates, like which weekends are good for romance, which are bad for career and whatnot. But as I looked back on the general description for the past few months, they've all been generally rather accurate. The months when I was to be involved in some turbulence, I really did. [Times like this, it's good to have a journal to track the major events in my life.] Especially in the descriptions for my tough year last year, almost everything was right. Of course, there were some small things like health stuff, which I doubt really came true.
I remember someone asked me once if I believed in astrology. I still don't quite know the answer...maybe I'll say I won't bet my life on it, but I do read it. Similarly, do I believe in destiny? I guess I really do.....either way, I believe that most things are not within my control.
I had this very brief talk with a friend just now, about destiny. I was complaining about my mom's preoccupation with my lack of prospective husbands, as usual, and then he asked if I was really worried. I said no. Really, I'm not worried, nor am I really that desperate to find a guy right now. It's more like a whining thing I like to do, for the fun of it. I'm not worried not because I'm really so darn confident that guys will be falling all over me. But rather, I'm just confident that whatever that should happen will happen. It's all destiny.
Even the times when it has hurt, when it has made me cry, it was all meant to be, I believe. Perhaps it was all to prepare me to laugh when the right time comes. Perhaps it was to test my heart, explore my emotions, enrich my soul. Of course, it's easy for me to say all this now, after the tears have dried. But I do believe, that everything happens for a reason.
It's all about timing, I guess. The right one can come, but at the wrong time, and it's still not the right match. Or, the right one may never come, I don't deny that possibility. But even that will have to be for a reason. Perhaps to allow myself to lead my own life. Perhaps to allow me to commit more time to my career or community work. Or something.
But just because destiny is in control of one's fate, it doesn't mean that we can just sit back, relax and wait for things to happen. No, it doesn't go that way. When I meet a guy, I still believe in making the appropriate moves. Whatever I do, whatever choices I make, should all still be part of Destiny's plans. The destination will be the same, but the process different. It's a lot more dynamic than one may think it is. I want to be able to sit down, when I'm really old, with silver hair and all, think back at my whole life, and see that no matter what choices I made at those pivotal points of life, I still would have ended up at the same place. wherever I will be then, of course. It would be an interesting thing to analyse, don't you think? Assuming I have sufficient memory power left by then, of course.
Maybe this sounds too romantic, too optimistic. Yes, destiny will take care of things. Yes, things will turn out just fine, because bad things happen for a reason. Yes, there's someone waiting to meet you. Yes, your life will not be meaningless. I'm just in that romantic mood right now. I want to believe in this nice fluffy soft-focus stuff. I am still capable of believing, so I do.
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