| 1545h
Mood: Happiness of the day: two things actually: 1)I watched the very first episode of the Ranma1/2 anime with Li. 2) I found out that Shaun has the mp3 of one of my favourite chinese songs during my youthful rgs days. Event of the week: I have exams this coming week. I'm fine. Or at least, I will be fine. I think I probably reached the very bottom of my "down-ness" [how corny is that?!] last night and now I'm only going to become happier, cos there's really no other way to go. Good news, isn't it?
Last night, a few of my housemates threw this party, sort of to celebrate the upcoming one week of spring break. The turnout was quite pathetic, quite unfortunately, because I was actually really in a mood to dance, to party. But because there were so few people around, I felt so self-conscious, I didn't drink much, I didn't dance much. In fact, in the middle of the party, I just went back to my room, sat there and listened to the people thumping on the living room floor right above my room.
At that moment in time, I felt the most down. The music was blasting from above and the ceiling shaking like as if the people jumping upstairs are going to break into my room soon. Few friends are on ICQ. The email I was waiting for didn't come. Diminishing hopes. So many so many things made me feel like I wanted to get away from all this, get away from everybody, from this place. Yet, I was still confined in my little room.
I guess maybe I could have really just joined in the party, or walked out of the house for a walk. [It was a beautiful night, not too cold.] I probably shouldn't let myself just wallow in self-pity in my room. Yet, i really just sat there, staring at my laptop, clicking on my mouse, though not really knowing what i was looking for. Not really knowing what I actually wanted.
First Alvin came along to ask me if I was ok. of course I wouldn't tell him that I was about to cry, cos I just know he won't be able to help me anyway. but I'm touched. That he cared enough to come look for me, though he had a party going on upstairs. He soon left, since he's afterall one of the organisers of this party. Then Shaun came along to look for me. Since he reads this journal, I think, he probably knows that I'm not exactly my happiest self these days. But I still didn't tell him anything. We acted stupid for a while, him being a little drunk, and me just being the usual weird self. Before he went home, I was just lying in my bed, feeling evry tired, and very sad. He came over to console me and offered me some words of advice. I couldn't take it anymore, so I started crying. Sigh. Very embarrassing.
Eventually, he left, I went to sleep and then Li came in. She drank quite a lot, because something was bothering her, though I don't know what. Typically, I would have tried to talk to her, but these days, I was just feeling so tired I decided to be selfish and just not bother, unless she comes to me. And she decided not to, because she says she doesn't want to bother me anymore. I guess at the end of the day, we're just two sad friends, each sad for her own reasons, and reasons unknown to the other, because we both didn't want to burden the other. Hah. What a pathetic situation. In my semi-consciousness, we talked a little about what I don't remember, before we both fell asleep in my room.
And then today is a new day. I woke up feeling like crap, though the Ranma1/2 show really made me laugh. I guess I'm feeling better today already. I have to anyway, I've already let myself drop too far down, I have to just bounce back up. So I shall start afresh. I shall become happier. I think I should watch more Ranma1/2 anime. Watch more happy shows. Listen to more happy music. One of the things shaun told me yesterday was that I am often sad. Am I? I think this journal records unhappy things more than the happy ones. I shall change that. I shall rave about Ranma1/2 next time. Next time, I will already be out of this rut. I promise.
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