| 2230h
Mood: sleepy Fact of the day: A dentist invented the electric chair. Hmm... event of the week: Swing dancing on saturday Hell Week [n] Also known as Next Week. The week where I have the most difficult midterms, the same amount of homework [which usually almost kills me every single week anyway] and the same 24 hours everyday. Not to mention the fact that my "sort of" boss would be coming to visit and I will have to entertain her for about half a day. Which I had originally intended to use for studying purposes.
But I shall relax today. Not in the mood to study anyway. Something very weird happened to me today. I think it's a curse....
You know how sometimes you always seem to see someone you don't want to see. Like in the streets, I mean, not saying that the someone is stalking you. Totally coincidental, but there's this girl that I've seen at least 5 times today. And freaking hell, she doesn't even take the same classes as me! I just see her on the Quad, at the food court, along Green St...just random public places where yes, of course she is just as likely to be as I am. Yet, it just creeps me out that everytime I turn, even, she's there.
Why do I not want to see her? I don't know, cos I'm jealous of her, maybe? This is like, perhaps, the 2nd time I admit to being jealous of someone. Of course, there're other people I am sort of jealous of, like those beautiful people who are smart as well, those sweet and kind people who also happen to be rich, those intelligent people who are also humble. I tend to be jealous of these people who have qualities who are so much better than me, usually my friends, and so impossible to bitch about. This girl, I don't even know her well! Is she smart? I don't know, I presume so. She's not very pretty, this I can tell. She's very friendly, which explains why everytime I see her, she's seldom alone.
Maybe that's why I'm jealous of her...she's seldom alone. And she always seems so happy. Even her walk, is like a little skip. Shaun knows her, and he mentioned once of how cute she is, because of the way she greeted him when she saw him. I sort of know her too, because we attended the same leadership training conference. Difference is, she was all buddy and pal with the "cool" and dynamic people, while I stuck with the not-so-high-profiled people. I think I had a journal entry about that one.
I can understand why people like her - she's always so energetic, so friendly and humorous. I would like her too, but I'm scared of her as well. I want to keep out of her way, I think she's beyond my reach. Her happiness makes me feel even sadder. Especially today, while I was slouching, tired and demoralised by how my week went, she was happily chatting with her friend over lunch. It's difficult seeing that, while I'm alone and basically feeling miserable. So all the 5 or more times I saw her today, I just felt this emptiness, and this pain in my heart, wishing that I'm more like her.
Wishing that I'm as well-balanced as her. Wishing that I'm as energetic as her. As cute as her. As charming as her. Sigh. At the rock bottom of my self esteem...
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