| 1730h (031100)
Mood: tired Fact of the day: I'm running a slight fever. not really serious, but a good excuse to just lie in bed. event of the week: Ushering coming weekend I wish I can hide away now and just sleep. Goodness...actually I've been sleeping a lot lately. Li said some time ago that sleeping too much is not good, cos it reflects a certain desire to escape from reality. I used to think it's crap, simply because I love to sleep and it doesn't necessarily mean that I feel depressed about my own life. But interestingly, now I know what she means. yeah, I sleep a lot these days, to run away from certain things in my conscious life. Certain things that I don't feel like dealing with right now.
There's no major disaster in my life. No, not really. It's still the same old problems...friendship problems, guy problems, financial problems, health problems and sucky studies. Yeah, the same old stories. Usually, they don't really bother me that much. Not all at once anyway. I tend to worry about them one by one, and when I feel like it, I may feel inspired to help resolve these problems. Which explains my occassional resolution to study more than I do. Or to work out half an hour everyday. Or to save 2 bucks everyday. But heck, these stupid resolutions never work anyway. They just help me feel better, feel more in control, feel more like I'm already doing my best in dealing with the problem.
Today, I hit rock bottom. I can't be bothered anymore. So what if I'm going to fail my exams tomorrow again. So what if I'm going to run out of money in 2 month's time. So what. I might just drop dead tomorrow, so what. I don't feel like dealing with any of these stuff anymore. I don't feel like dealing with other people's problems anymore.
I have a postcard of Meg Ryan's show Hanging Up on the wall next to my desk. Her character in this movie sort of reminds me of myself...trying to deal with too many things at the same time. Even other people's problems. I think I need to hang up on these people too.....and the way I do that is to sleep. I guess the only time I actually really own in a day, is the time when I sleep. Then nothing bothers me anymore. Nobody bothers me anymore.
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