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Mood: tired Fact of the day: Cleopatra is not an Egyptian name, but a Greek name. event of the week Picnic today!
Yes, he emailed back! Hehehe....I'm so glad. I'm so glad he's not angry with me anymore. But what should I say in the next mail? What would he want to know? What would I want him to know? How much does he already know about my life the whole time? He says that he's been reading this journal, but I'm not sure how much he's read. Sigh...whatever it is, I'd better make sure I don't screw up this friendship.
I was drinking with Lynn again last night, since we had a lot of vodka left and we were both kinda erm, insane last night. We played all sorts of card games and I always lost. But this time, I didn't really get drunk, since I was already on a natural high even before I started drinking. As usual, we talked a lot and I found out from her that a lot of our friends think that I've *very* nice. To the level of admiration and respect. Ooohh... whoa whoa whoa..I never thought of myself as being *that* nice. They've not seen what a bitch I can be. How mean I can be. How many people I've hurt. How evil my thoughts can be. But of course, how would they know? I never did show this side of me to most people. I guess it should be a good thing that they think so highly of me. But I'm worried. I'm worried about the day when they will realise how hypocritical I can be.
Such a common theme in my life - I'm always worrying about my relationship with other people. I want people to like me, I want to like people. But sometimes, it's so difficult, especially when I go out of the way to accomodate everyone else and nobody even notices it. Or maybe they do, but they just think it's because I'm soft-hearted by nature, or because I'm a pushover. I don't want to be a pushover. Or a doormat. Man, I need to establish myself as being a real person rather than a nice person.
Sigh, not a good time to get all so philosophical about relationships. I'm hungry. Shall go back for lunch. Maybe we'll drink tonight again. Lynn is such a mystery sometimes, maybe I should try to get drunk so she'll tell me all her darkest secrets. Heh.
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