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Mood: lonely Fact of the day: There's a law in Boston that states that no one is to bathe more than 2 times a month. event of the week Going for Links2000 in Philadelphia this weekend. My Valentine is a bastard.
This is the worst valentine's day ever for me. It's not because I don't have a boyfriend, or because I'm not in singapore, or because I'm a sucker for roses. No. I'm sad because I completely ruined a beautiful friendship.
See, I told him that I liked him. Nothing wrong with that. He told me that he sees me as a good friend. Nothing wrong with that either. Then he told me that he already knew. Then I got damn pissed off.
He already knew that I liked him, yet he manipulated me into saying it. knowing so well that I am trying to get over it. knowing so well that I don't want to talk about it. No regards for my feelings, no regards for my trust.
I depended on him. I felt like I could trust him to support me. But he betrayed me. He intentionally lured me into a vulnerable position just so he can derive some sort of pleasure in hearing me say I like him. Maybe I'm kicking a big fuss out of nothing. Afterall, I chose to say it and I should bear the responsibilities myself. Yet, I cannot rid myself of this sense of bitterness.
Whatever it is, I told him I wouldn't talk to him for a very long time. And that I will contact him when I'm ready. I don't think that will be anytime soon. And that makes me sad.
He's been such a good friend. He's always been there for me. But now that he's the one who's hurt me, who can I turn to? I feel all alone again. There's no one I can trust to look out for me anymore. I'm on my own again. Nobody is obliged to take care of me and I guess I should stop depending on them to then.
Our friendship will never be the same again. I wish we could go back to the times when we just talked freely. I almost felt like we could become best friends. But I guess it's not going to happen. I am not upset over the rejection anymore. I am upset because he chose to hurt me.
It's all gloomy today.
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