Everyday, I wait for something to happen.

It doesn't have to be anything spectecular, just little things to let me know that the real world doesn't have to be an ugly world.

My friend's mother is critically ill and one day, she messaged me and said, "Life is all about pain, isn't it?" And I didn't know how to answer her. I wish I can tell her life is beautiful, yet I know her life has been tough on her and to tell her that is frankly openly mocking her. I wish I can tell her tomorrow will be a better day, yet I know her nightmare is far from being over.

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason, which is beyond us. I used to believe that there exists a master plan where every event falls into place, just as planned, so that the finale can be perfect. But now, I find it really hard to keep my faith. There are people suffering out there. Personal tragedies like my friend's are only the tip of the iceberg. What about war? People suffering in poverty? Suffering in discrimination? I'm sure I don't even have enough worldly awareness to say this is all.

Maybe I'm a born pessimist. While I notice beauty surrounding me, like nature and kind people, I can't help but feel that if I look at the big picture, as in the whole world, the "master plan" doesn't seem to be leading towards any happy ending. Not anytime soon anyway.

Maybe I'm just a little impatient. I'm waiting to see what The Guy Up There has planned out for my life, for this world. But I'm so tired to waiting for happy things to happen. I'm so tired to having to tell myself that everything is within control.

I'm just a little nothing in the whole universe. I'm not in any position to say I can judge the situation objectively. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are more happy stories than sad ones in this world. I won't know. But I'm tired to waiting to know...