Everyday, as I walk past the trees and see the leaves fall down around me, I just feel so excited, yet so at peace at the same time. There's one particular tree near my dorm, which is really beautiful. Its leaves are really soft and delicate and they are golden in colour now. As they fall, they form this golden carpet on the grass patch. In the afternoon, when the sun is bright and sunny, I feel like this is a fairy tale, a little like the place that the prince and princess will go to when they live "happily ever after".

For my SSA newsletter, Shuan is supposed to do a survey, "If you can be any object in this world, what will you be?" When he asked me, I said I was still thinking. But actually, I already had the answer in my mind. I want to be a flower.

As a flower, I shall bloom once and only once in my entire life and for that one glorious moment, I want to be the most beautiful flower in the world. I know my purpose in life and I know I will try my best to do my best. And when my time is up, I will have to quietly wilt and die away.

It's the last part about dying away that's been intriguing my mind for the past few days. I don't know why I've been thinking about death these days. I wish I can "bring smiles to the people around me when I'm alive, and tears when I die." I'm not sure if I've brought enough happiness to the people around me and I'm not sure how many people will actually cry when I die. It's so morbid to be thinking of my own funeral, but I really wonder.

Will my parents still be around? Who will be crying? Who's really crying? What are they going to say about me? Or will they even be talking about me? Will they play mahjong at my wake? Will my brothers' friends come? Will my friends come? How many people will turn up? Will I be cremated? How will I feel cremated?

Yes, I have a warped and morbid mind.