It wasn't easy coming back to UIUC after that weekend at Purdue. I had tonnes of work to do, many emails to reply. Once again, my rhythm has been disrupted. Yes, I am very vulnerable, in this way.

I guess it is true then that I am a stability-driven person. To find the balance in my life, to establish equilibrium, has always been very important to me. I don't enjoy boring routine either, but I know I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing myself when things go too quickly. This probably explains this entry then, but I can't be bothered to do any justifications. I will just see it as the product of my incoherent state of mind then.

Whatever it is, I've been trying very hard the past few days. To try to get back to what I do best. Study. Exams, tests, homework. The never-ending chain of events. I'm so sick of them, yet I realise this is the only time I can prove my worth to the people around me. I probably sound pathetic. But at least a result slip is more tangible than something like "she was a nice person".

I'm talking crap again. Result of too much maths. I hate studying.