The newsgroup feud thing that I was talking about a few days ago has yet again escalated to new heights. Now, quite a few of the seniors are quite pissed and are passing rather harsh messages. But I don't think I have the courage to post anymore messages to defend the guy. I don't have the wisdom nor the respectability to pose as the moderator either. Think I should just shaddup. But I just hate this kind of stuff, when everybody sounds so hostile and aggressive. Argh.

I just need to talk about that guy. I made that resolution a few entries back, vowing that I will not think about him anymore. Or at least that was what I wanted to do. But I failed terribly.

It's not easy. He's still as nice as before, as charming as before, just the way he was when I first felt attracted to him. So while my mind is very clear that I should give up, my heart still feels for him. Of course, it is not as intense as to say I love him, but the ache in my chest when he talks about The Girl is as real as it can get. Sigh....I don't know what to do anymore.

Of course, I don't have to resolve this now. I'm too used to being the "good" friend to the guy I like. I'm used to just taking a really deep breath when it hurts. Maybe time can lessen the attraction. Maybe I will find out some really hideous side of him that will repel me once and for all. Maybe there'll be some other guy who will come along and totally sweep me off my feet. Maybe.

But for now, the pining still hurts.