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ACO Article # 02003469 - The New Implemented Policies Under the Abola Administration

Greetings my fellow Ateneans. In light of my new position as ACO Chairman, it has come to my attention that there are a few areas in terms of school policies that the APSA has failed to give due attention. With the assembly's new-found autonomy, I intend to fix these problems to the best of my, as well as my class' abilities. With the power bestowed upon me by your votes, I present to you an additional set of policies which will in turn, complement the pre-existing ones implemented by the High School Administration. I have also taken the liberty of delegating people with the appropriate skills for certain areas of the policies. Thank you.

Sub-section 1 - On circulating pornography on campus headed by: Paolo Narciso 

In connection with the spirit of MAGIS, I have delegated Paolo Narciso to supervise all pornographic traffic within the campus. This will be then called Operation M.A.G.I.S. (Masturbatory Aid Gratified In Smut) Acting as Paolo's assistant will be Paul Doble. All forms of pornography will have to be filtered by these two gentlemen and shall then pass their verdict if the material is suitable for circulation or not. (Of course my class gets first crack at it muwahahahaha!) To regulate traffic, a minimal fee of P25 will be charged for the first 3 days and an additional P3 per day that it is overdue. In the event of failure to pay for these rental fees, the amount will then be charged to the student's clearance day accounts and SHALL NOT BE PROMOTED TO THE NEXT YEAR LEVEL UNTIL ALL ACCOUNTS ARE PAID FOR.

It is the aim of this administration that this policy facilitate a well-rounded formation not only in academics, but in the social aspect as well. (Yeah right... I just want the porn man... Mental Note: Remove all of these side-comments before presenting it to the APSA)

Sub-section 2 - On designated times for sexually agitated students to "let lose" headed by: Dylan Pizarro

It has come to my attention that there is an increasing number of students who utilize the restrooms to entertain any sexual urges, especially the homosexuals around the campus. In light of this, I have assigned Dylan Joseph Pizarro to assign the first five minutes of recess and lunch for any sexually agitated (horny for short) students to let lose before this agitation serves as a hinderance to higher learning. This will be entitled: Operation T.F.N.T

As soon as recess starts, you wil hear over the P.A. system an announcement from Dylan. As soon as he says "Tebs fest na toh!", any sexually agitated student may now proceed to the restrooms which will be reserved for the following five minutes to let lose any sexual urges aquired. If any of these activities or any similar ones are caught done by any student outside the T.F.N.T. minutes, he shall be given due rehabilitation though a year's worth of porhographic material through the coordination of the M.A.G.I.S. department headed by Paolo Narciso. (I'm a naughty boy! Give me porno!)

Sub-section 3 - On prohibited narcotics in the campus headed by Miguel Santiago and Frederick Sta. Ana

The issue of illegal drugs will be handled by the ACO narcotics division headed by Miguel Santiago and Frederick Sta. Ana. These two gentlemen have been chosen for the task for their... expertise in the area. All pieces of... unconventional narcotics will pass through these two gentlemen for quality testing. Should the piece of... unconventional narcotics pass the quiality assurance tests of these two gentlemen, it will released to its original consumer for a minimal fee of P5000 per kilo of the substance. This is to regulate the unconventional substances circulating the campus, as well as safeguard the health of the students. (Oohh safeguard the health indeed... hee hee hee...Dope money is soooo sweet...)

Sub-section 4 - On prohibited weapons in campus headed by: Dominic Catacutan and Ritzmond David

Any form of armaments will have to be filtered through the weapons department headed by Dominic Catacutan and Ritzmond David. Any firearms will be filtered through Dominic Catacutan while any hand-to-hand weapons will be filtered through Rizmond David. These weapons will undergo comprehensive testing for quality assurance before being released to their owners. (If you're gonna kill, you might as well kill properly right?)

It is hoped that through these additional policies that the student body can now go about their studies under the right conditions, chaotic conditions. Thank You.