But halfway through the first quarter, he spotted an empty 50-yard-line seat that had to be the best seat in the house. He went down to the empty seat and said to the guy sitting beside it, "Is anyone sitting here?"
"Nope" the guy replied.
So the man sat down, and about 30 minute later, he couldn't resist saying, "Man! This is an awesome seat! Whoever gave it up must be CRAZY!"
The guy sitting next to him replied, "Well, actually, that was supposed to be my wife's seat, but she died."
The man, feeling like a total jerk said, "Oh, that's awful, but couldn't you have asked a relative to come with you?"
"No", said the guy. "They're all at the funeral."
A guy is driving down a road and sees a sign that says "Watch for Fallen Rocks." A few miles later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks some up.
When he gets to the next town, he takes the carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office. He walks up to the counter and puts the rocks on it. He looks at the guy behind the counter and says "Here's your fallen rocks...now where's my watch
"Doctor," an old man complained, "I can't pee."
"Hmmm," contemplated the doctor, "How old are you?"
"Eighty-seven" the old man replied.
"Well, haven't you peed enough?"
A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, his wife enters with frying pan and smashes him over the head with it.
Man: "What was that for?"
Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?"
Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."
The wife was satisfied, and apologized for bonking him.
Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bonked on the head.
Man: "What's that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called."
A man walks into a bar shaking his finger and says: "I got the beat from the man on the radio"
A second man walks into that bar shaking his finger and says: "I got the beat from the man on the radio"
A third man walks into that bar shaking his finger and the bartende says, "Let me guess, you got the beat from the man on the radio."
The man says: "No, I got a bugger on my finger and it won't let go!"
A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash. As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again. Out of the corner of his eye the manager sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head with its leash. Shocked, the manager runs over and says "Mister is there a problem - is there anything I can help you with?" The blind man calmly replies "No thanks - I'm just looking around."
