And the guy said, "Well, I guess I'll go to driving school and get my drivers' license."
Then his wife, who was sitting beside him said, "Don't listen to him. He's always cocky when he's drunk."
Suddenly a guy popped up from the backseat and said, " I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
Soon came a knock from the trunk, and a voice said in Spanish, " Are we over the border yet?"
STUPID BUMPER STICKERS
Your honor student cheated off of my kid.
Be ALERT!!!!...The world needs more LERTS!
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Honk if you like Hanson.....And then drive into a tree.
My karma ran over your dogma.
For all you Star Trek fans...
Question: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise
does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a teenage boy with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black make-up around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
A family was driving to Disneyland and when they got there they saw a sign that read: Disneyland left. So they went home
