Peniaphobia
Throughout my adult life, I have taken a vow of poverty. First by joining the military, then by seeking out men who had no future. My first husband had a fear of working at a job for longer than two weeks! Then their was his fear of not spending his paycheck on stereo equipment within hours of receiving his check. Then I married a military man, and most people who have ever been around the military know you can�t get rich on what they make! (It�s hard enough to stay above poverty level on military pay!)
Somewhere in the back of my pea brain, I believe that if I live a measly existence, that I will somehow come out better for it. I have a house that is not overly big. I live off my military retirement pay. I don�t go out drinking. Pretty much, I just live like a pauper.
Circumstances have arisen throughout the years to better my circumstances. I have a fear of money, but mostly it is a fear that I will become a �kept woman�. By getting into a relationship with a man that lives comfortably, I will somehow lose myself. I will have to give in to his every whim. OK, maybe I�m paranoid. But over the ages haven�t we seen it happen? Look at Ivana Trump.....it wasn�t until after her troubles with The Donald started that she became a person people talked about. She had always just been �Mrs. Donald Trump�. Will I just become �Mrs. Blah Blah�? Or the girlfriend of Joe Schmoe. Joe trades stock for So-and-so, but we don�t know anything about her?
Then there is my fear that I will be at a dinner party for the president of a large bank with my honey, and I will open my mouth, say something and nobody will hear me. It will be like I don�t exist! I will be just a shadow.
Now back to the bettering my circumstances! I have dated men that had money. I also dumped them shortly after finding out that their bank roll was larger than mine. I could deal with a man who made say twice what I do. It�s the men who have money to waste on banana boats for their kitchens or a car for every occasion that I have problems with. (OK, women have shoes for every occasion, but come on, one pair of shoes do NOT normally cost over $10,000!)
Will I ever get over my chrometophobia? Well, if a friend of mine who trades stocks for a living has his way, I will become peniaphobic and go vacation with him and some other friends on the Med in Spain!
