Is it merely that after years of having too high of standards that when we lowered them we became disillusioned? Or have all the �good� people been hardened by past relationships to the point that they have turned into the instant gratification seekers my guy friends and I keep encountering?
For the sake of argument (for purely scientific reasons) let�s look at my past. I was in an abusive marriage my first time around. He was both physically and emotionally abusive to me. Since then I have shied away from men exhibiting and anger issues or who tend to �fly off the handle� over minute things or get a kick out of putting me down. My other hubby had a sexual issue. He merely took on the �Al Bundy syndrome� (only wanting sex once or twice a year) a year after our vows. I then found myself in search of men who enjoyed sex. At least once or twice a day!
What I found in searching for my �perfect� man, were men I couldn�t stand. There were one is who looked at me and saw their ex-wives in things I did, things I wore or things I said. Other one�s would walk away at any disagreement we had. And others who only viewed me as a plaything, wanting sex 24/7, at their beck and call. The guys who I felt could possibly be the �one�, were the ones that didn�t want me because I was too much to handle.
But overall, they had the same outlook: �No serious relationships, not now, not ever�! These previous �good guys� had become the �instant gratification guys�. At first sign of caring or feelings from the other person, these guys run. In my personal experience, they must all have a bungee cord attached, because they all return (or try to) for more! Is it that they feel they have hurt me so bad in the past that I may �put out� but I wouldn�t care or feel for them like I had? What is it they really want?
People who believe in �instant gratification� as a way of like are cheating themselves of basic human needs. Everyone needs companionship, to be cared about, someone to talk to, physical contact and yes, sex. They don�t realize that by having these �mini-relationships� over time they will start becoming hardened to what may very well be a perfect relationship of partner.
What can we do to combat all of this? Well, just short of hog-tying our dates and making them watch �Barney� and �Pretty Woman� until they are all gooey inside, we must all try to create a loving and caring person within ourselves and hope that one day, somebody whom is receptive to it will come our way!
