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Bridge Overhangs 1/22/01
Have you ever been driving down the freeway and you go under a bridge that says
something like "7 foot clearance"? Have you ever wondered what the hell
you would do if your car or truck was 7 feet and 1 inch? You would be screwed.
These signs are 99% of the time right on the bridge your going under and the sign
is only noticeable just before you go under it. So are these signs really serving
a purpose? Is the government just playing a practical joke on the big guys? What
would you do if you go down an off ramp and actually manage to stop before losing
the top of your car? Back up? I doubt it. Well, maybe if you like driving up the
freeway in reverse and against traffic. If they just put the sign up farther down
the freeway then this shit would never happen.
City Noise 9/8/00
Recently I have moved to one of the nicest, most open minded, technically advanced,
and noisiest cities in the world. In my unlimited bin of luck I managed to land
an apartment in the downtown area. Now this isn't sarcasm you are reading, I wanted
to go to school and live in this big city, I just didn't realize the price to
pay was no sleep. Let me lay out my current situation. For starters my apartment
is on the top of a very steep hill, so when anyone who drives a stick shift car
moves after stopping at the light, we hear the skidding of tires. Okay, that's
not to bad. The next noise is the constant ear piercing sirens of fire trucks
and cop cars. There must be a fire department near by because at least four times
a day we have one drive by. This of course will frequently happen in the middle
of the night. The third and most commonly annoying noise is the trolley cars that
go by our place every ten minutes. Those fucking trolley drivers insist on ringing
their bells every time they pass by my place and then they keep the trolley running
from 8 in the morning to 12 at night. Now with all of these late nights I have
had plenty of time to think. And what I have thought up is an answer to my problem.
Military Warfare! I will just get myself a bazooka and blow
the shit out of anything that sounds like a trolley, bell, siren, or tires skidding.
Then when the smoke clears I will fire a couple of rounds from a very powerful
automatic rifle until I feel my problem is solved. As you can see I have had very
little sleep lately. Anyone else have a suggestion?
Never Mind 8/18/00
This one is for the guys reading. Have you ever had a female friend, girlfriend,
or wife who does this, "You'll never believe what happened to me!" And then says,
"Never Mind." Why get our interest if you have no intention of telling us. I think
maybe women do it so men stay interested in them, but maybe it's just fun for
them to play mind games. I had one girl do this to me and say she didn't think
I could handle it, as if that was suppose to make me any less interested. This
reminds me of an episode on the sitcom "Sinfeld" where they kept filling in the
juicy parts of the story with the phrase "yada, yada, yada." Doing that is the
same as saying "Never Mind" because both leave the listener in the dark. So don't
catch someone's interest unless you intent on giving the person the dirt.
Temp Jobs 8/17/00
Is this not the greatest job? For any college student or for someone looking to make more than $5 an hour pumping gas all day this is the unknown heaven sent. I finally tried it out this summer and I am making twice as much a hour as last summer and I can work full time. What is best about working for a temp agency is that if a job sucks you can quite and the next day you have a new job. Of course the bigger the town/city you live in , the easier the process is. Before I signed on I had this silly illusion that working for a temp agency was like being on the bottom of the food chain, as far as jobs go. But what I know now is that when it comes to non career jobs, it's the top of the food chain.
Irony 8/14/00
Today I went to a bank to cash my paycheck and like any Friday afternoon there
was a line of about 10 people. No big deal. So, when I got bored from waiting
in line I started to check out the other people in line. One in particular happened
to draw my attention. She was this "big boned women" who was wearing a large sombrero.
She also had on this T-shirt that read "BE NICE TO OTHERS" boldly written
across her front. Now after seeing this women I could only laugh and think how
jolly she looked. It was like Mrs. Santa Clause herself was on a trip to Mexico.
So while playing around with that image in my mind, I hear from nowhere the jolly
women start to rip into one of the bank managers about waiting in line so long.
She started saying how she has had an account for years at that bank and she wanted
to move to the front of the line. What a Bitch! Since this fat bitch was making
such a scene, the manager moved her to the front and personally helped her out.
I've had an account at that bank for 8 years, so am I next? I guess her shirt
should have read, "BE NICE TO OTHERS, UNLESS YOUR A FAT CRANKY OLD BITCH."
Cop Friends 8/14/00
Does anyone have a friend who is a cop? They can sure be annoying at times. My best friend decided to become a reserve officer this summer and now all he does is point out minor citations to me. Like I give a shit. Who really cares if someone didn't use their blinker? I know he is just practicing for the real thing and I'm very happy that he enjoys it, but imagine if you will driving down the freeway with him and he starts going "speeding violation", "turning violation", "tail lights out $50 fine". I've told him to stop with the cop shit, but he still does it. I'm sure people have friends in other professions who do the same thing, but do us all a favor and save it for when you are ON duty.
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