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There comes a time that every guy realizes that what he had w/ a woman is forever gone. Not because, there is someone else, but because the person that he fell in love w/ is now gone. Case in point: Thursday I ended up in the emergency room. I was unable to move, barely breathing and feeling like I was about to die. My skin color had gone from black to snow white. I mean I was seeing the 7 dwarfs I was so bad. I look like shit, and did I mention they had to wheel me into the emergency room because I couldn't walk. The first thing the receptionist asks me is 'do I need to see a doctor?' I'm thinking holy shit this is not going to be a good experience. Do people who look like they walked off the set of the thriller video get wheeled into the hospital emergency all the time? What the fuck do you think lady?!? Maybe she thought I was there for their amazing cafeteria food. Anyway, other than my brother who was a hassle to get a hold of and a hassle to deal w/ for that matter there was Natasha. Now she and I have not been on the greatest of terms, but I thought that at least me telling her I needed to go to the emergency room she would actually help. NOPE. Honestly, laying there in the hospital bed every muscle in my body hurt, but none more so than my heart. I just told myself that she would never take it that far. I told myself that if I ever really really needed something she would be there in a time of need. NOPE. So, Thursday no response, Friday I'm getting worried that something has happened. Natasha would not do this. She would not do this childish stuff. Natasha would never, knowing I'm in desperate need, completely blow me off. YEP. I call and call and call. Work, cell, text message, e-mail�.nothing. I knocked on her apt door after seeing that her car was still there�.nothing. I'm seriously freaking out right now. I had only last heard from her Monday night. I was thinking if I should call the police. I was sure something happened to her. I came home and looked up an old e-mail address of her moms and asked if she was alright. Do you know how embracing it is to have to write to your ex girlfriends mother who you never knew all that well and ask if you know if you daughter is ok? Seriously, how does that make me come off? But that is just who I am, according to Natasha I just can't let this shit go. I'm such an asshole that I have to know that she is ok when every possible sign is screaming to me that something is very wrong. With her much documented mental state I'm always terrified that something is happening to her. I know first hand just how crazy with mood swings and depression she can get. So I worry a lot because I'm the only friend she has...had. <sigh> Then there is this morning I get an e-mail from her. It pretty much speaks for its self the kind of person that I should not have gotten involved with in the first place.. This is the epitome of selfishness:
Joe, let me just say that I hate your arrogant and judgmental ass. I have been sick myself this week and have been swamped at work. sorry that I did not have the time to deal with your many crisis's. I've had some of my own, which I haven't demanded that you drop everything for. stop writing and calling me with all of this crap about the love you had and who am I. for the last god forsaken time, it is over for good, I am not going to be your best friend, and I for one am moving on with my life which doesn't involve asking you to hold my hand every time something happens. grow up.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" That would have been just a little bit better. On one side you think sure ok, whatever. On the other side you think to yourself that this is the same person that professed their love for you. This is the same person who told you they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with you. This is the same person that you made every possible sacrifice to be w/ and was always there at the drop of a hat when they needed you. Did I cheat on her? NO, I didn't. Did I hit her, steal or in anyway harm her? No, not even close. Does she have any reason to hate me other than she is a selfish ass who is in her own little planet dreaming of world domination. I'm not trying to get back together with this person. And now I am so not trying to have anything to do w/ this person other than get my vacuum cleaner back. It is a matter of being a decent human being, not an asshole. If someone I knew from kindergarten would have called me in the same situation I still would have made some kind of effort to help this person. When you are lying in a hospital bed and you reach out for someone you don't expect it to get it bitten off as it so violently did. And as always, I'll get the usual response questions: Why you even hung up on that white bitch? You need to forget about her she ain't worth your time. That bitch is retarded, you too good for her. Why you even put up with that? And see the funny thing is, Natasha was like this the whole time. Any time something happened I was Johnny on the spot for her, but when something I needed came up there was always an excuse. I'm sorry, I need more than that. It was when I called her out and demanded that she put more into this relationship that she walked out of my life. Well, I'm blowing peace to this thing. I got my antibiotics and hydrocodene to get me through the week and I should be alright. This is sad, very sad to me. But I'm a grown man. I'm done, over and out. And I'm damn sure not giving her her Christmas gift. Ughhh, which reminds me. Anyone want to buy an mp3 player? |
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